For the Love of Reylo
by 5typesoftrash
Summary: Kylo Ren was fed up with this silly girl. He felt a connection with her, driving him mad. Rey felt it too. She was alone and scared, and Ben made her feel less so, even when he was torturing her. She liked him. Eventually, captor and captive must come to terms with their feelings for each other. T for language. This is a very Reylo story. Will be subject to editing.
1. For the Love Of Ben

**WARNING: in reading this fic, you are agreeing to being spoiled for the Last Jedi. If you would not like to be spoiled, don't read this. If you've already seen the movie (I saw it yesterday, and it is _so. good._ While I was watching it I thought it was a little too funny for a Star Wars movie, but now all I can think is OMG ALL THE REYLO) then go ahead and read it. There won't be any TLJ spoilers until about the fifth chapter, this beginning stuff is all Episode VII.**

* * *

"Where am I?" I looked up. I hadn't realized that she was awake. I hesitated a moment, then said, "You're my guest."

"Where are the others?"

"You mean the murders, traitors, and thieves you call friends?" She only stared at me. "You'll be relived to hear I have no idea." She studied me curiously. She was afraid, I could sense it, but I could also tell that I was beyond anything she'd ever seen. "You still want to kill me," I said. "That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask." Her accent was thick, so unlike my own, as she said that. I considered her for a moment, wondering. Then, slowly, I lifted my hands to my head and pressed a button on either side, right above my temples. The mask compressed and came off, and I dropped it in an ashtray. She stared, surprised, at my face. People always expected me to be old, ugly, or at least disfigured, not unlike my grandfather. He was all those things. My youth tends to shock people. After a moment, her face settled back into a neutral expression, her own mask of confidence. "Tell me about the droid." I'm done playing. I'm done pretending and being courteous. I will take what I want. I could see her gears turning, trying to find a way around my command. After a second, filled to bursting with nervous **(you mean sexual, Ben)** tension, she began to talk in rapid-fire fact mode. "He's a BB unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vidicator-" My patience was gone. I cut her off. "He's carrying a section of a navigational chart. We have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire. We need the last piece. And somehow, you convinced the droid to show it to you. You, a scavenger." I spat the final word out with as much venom as I could muster. It wasn't much. For some reason, this girl seemed to be affecting my ability to be malicious. However, my words had the intended effect. She reacted, surprised, as if she thought that the First Order is not capable of finding all the information they need on a person. "You know I can take whatever I want." I began to probe her mind. Her eyes became uncertain as I moved closer to her. My hand moves, almost of its own accord, up towards her face. She recoiled away from me, but had no wiggle room in her restraints. I almost touched her face. I stopped myself, just barely, a centimeter away from her. I almost jumped back - I felt something I'd never felt before. A connection… a kindred energy? A spirit like to my own? I didn't know what it was, only that it was dangerous, and powerful, and seductive, and amazing, and I hated it. I hated every part of it. Being of the Dark Side, I had become very good at using my hatred. It increased the pressure of my probing in the girl's mind tenfold. "You're so lonely… so afraid to leave…" I smile slightly. She was giving me everything. "At night, desperate to sleep. You imagine an ocean - I see it. I see the island." Her face was wet and bright with tears, and for some reason, I wanted to stop. But I resisted that urge. I continued my narrative of her mind. "And Han Solo… you feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you." She gritted her teeth and stared me down. "Get. Out. Of. My. Head." I leaned closer to her, almost like I _needed_ the physical closeness with this girl… but that was impossible, considering that I didn't know her. Nobody would ever want me, ugly and evil as I was. But this girl - Rey, I remembered. I resolved to start calling her Rey in my mind - was pure and innocent. A vessel of the light. So _why_ was I so attracted to her? I focused. "I know you've seen the map. It's in there… and now you'll give it to me. Don't be afraid. I feel it too."

"I'm not giving you anything." Her voice was hard and resolute. Her mind was made up. She would fight me with every fiber of her being, and for some reason, I wouldn't want it any other way. "We'll see," I said skeptically, and resumed picking her brain. Suddenly I slammed into a mental barrier. I started to attack it, but it did nothing. I felt it begin to push me backwards. All my confidence melted off my face, and then suddenly I was seeing my own mind. She began to speak. "You… you're afraid. That you will never be as strong as _Darth Vader_." I pulled my hand away. I was not ready for that kind of raw power. I turned away and walked out of her cell.

* * *

A few hours later, I returned. "Rey," I whispered. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want." I breathed. Being inside her head, I knew she was confused by me. She didn't know what to make of me. "Kylo Ren, you are a monster, and a failure. You won't get anything from me. Get out." I wouldn't. I touched her hand, her cheek, and she didn't react at all. I was overtaken by a sudden inexplicable urge to press my mouth to hers. Why did I feel that way? _You need something_ , whispered her voice. _You are desperate_. I shook my head as if that would get her out of it. "Keep your filthy scavenger mind out of mine."

"As you wish."

As I walked out I thought of the _need_ I felt for physical closeness with her. _Rey_ , I forced myself to think. _Her name is Rey._ I wasn't sure why I cared to much that she had a name. But apparently, I did. I couldn't let her escape. I told myself it was because of her power. I walked past an idle stormtrooper and said, "go into that cell and guard the girl. _Do not_ leave your post until specifically instructed by me to do so." He nodded and walked back in the direction I came from.

* * *

 **So...**

 **Is it good? I basically have the other chapters written but... I don't know. If it sucks, tell me, and I'll just scrap it. I think it could go places, though. Just saying. And I have good ideas. There will be lemon though, in later chapters. I swear that there will be no rapey stuff. It will all be consensual. BE PREPARED FOR A (probably badly-written, but still somehow good) REYLO ADVENTURE!**

 **I love you all.  
Allie.**


	2. For the Love Of Rey

There was a stormtrooper just inside my door. _Well hello Mr. Weak-Minded Guard_ , I thought. _You can help me out_. I thought for a moment how I wanted this to go. Then I said, "you will remove these restraints, and leave this cell with the door open." He walked over to me. "What did you say?"

"You will remove these restraints, and leave this cell with the door open." Both times it came out like a command. The trooper tensed. "I'll tighten those restraints, scavenger scum!" I tried again. This time, I would _make_ it sound like a friendly suggestion. "You will remove these restraints and leave this cell with the door open." I said it calmly and peacefully, and it seemed to do the trick. He relaxed, then said, "I will remove these restraints and leave this cell with the door open." He unlocked me from the chair and started to walk out. Before he could get out of earshot, I yelled, "and you'll drop your weapon!"

"Aaaand I'll drop my weapon," was the response, closely followed by the clang of metal on metal. I got up and stretched my legs. It felt good to be out of those cuffs. I jogged out of the room and through a maze of corridors until I found a place I could hide. _Oh, Ben._ I thought. _I wish…_ I didn't even realize that I was projecting my thoughts until; _what_ do _you wish, Rey?_ Oh, shit. _I wish… that I could be happy. And please don't make your little Dark Side pitch again, because it won't work._

 _I wasn't going to,_ he responded calmly. _I wasn't going to say anything._

I shut it off. I couldn't focus on him right now. I had to find a really good spot to hide, besides the fact that, the longer I spoke to him, the better chances he had of finding me. I rounded a corner and ran straight into Finn and Han. Chewie was working his magic on some wires behind them. I was panting, and hard. Oh, Ben, I thought again, this time careful not to let _him_ hear. Look what you've made me do. Finn looked worried about me. "Oh, what happened, did he hurt you?" His face was full of concern, but I waved him off. "Finn, what are you doing here?"

"We came back for you." I could feel my nose getting stuffy and my eyes tearing up because this was all I've ever wanted - someone who cared about me enough to come back for me. Someone who gave a damn. _I did,_ Kylo thought to me. _I would always return for you._ I was so touched, but I couldn't respond. Chewie's moans that translated into normal language came through, and I hugged Finn, stunned. "What did he say?" Finn asked. "That it was your idea." After a moment, I said, "thank you."

"How did you escape?"

"I can't explain it, and you wouldn't believe it." _Kylo Ren is super confusing_ _,_ I thought. _That's the big problem_.

Gratefully, there was a distinct absence of Ben's voice in my thoughts.

"Escape now. Hug later?" Han asked, ruining our moment. I rolled my eyes, but obliged.

* * *

 **Little shorter, sorry.**

 **Rey POV was going to include the whole killing-Han scene (I don't _think_ that's a spoiler… the movie came out two years ago… ;) ), but now I'm going to do a back-and-forth POV chapter that will start with Kylo killing Han.**

 **I love you all.  
Allie**


	3. For the Love Of Han

Kylo was very nervous. His father was in this huge room. He knew it. But there were others with him. Someone he didn't recognize, and… her. "Rey," he whispered aloud. "What was that, sir?" asked one of his troopers. "Nothing." He felt around for her, carefully, then, and found her standing far above him. He resisted the urge to look up. He continued walking down the thin metal walkway. Then, "Ben!" He turned. Han Solo, exactly as he'd known, all along. His father had come back for him. "Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time." His voice rattled through his mask. He sounded worse than Vader, and all because he knew what he was about to do, and he _really_ didn't want Rey to see it. "Take off that mask. You don't need it."

"What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"The face of my son!" He sounded so convinced that Kylo _almost_ wanted to take it off, just for him. But instead he took it off because he looked better without it, and Rey was watching. _Why do you care what I think?_ came her voice in his head. _I don't know,_ he admitted. Back to Solo. He slowly took off his mask, just as he had done for Rey the first time. "Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him." That was the wrong thing to say. Rey's voice in his mind cried out for him, feeling his pain and internal conflict. It made a shot of pain go through Ren's heart to feel that. "That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive." Ren bristled. "No. The Supreme Leader is wise."

"Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you - you know it's true." He did know. He knew, but wished not to believe it. He took a slight step backwards, desiring to be farther away from this man who was confirming things he already knew, but not wanting to show weakness. Never, for anyone. But especially not for her. Why couldn't he stop thinking of her? Why did he care so much? _Maybe having a Force Bond like ours, like no one's ever had means that if one dies so does the other._ Rey suggested. _Maybe_ that's _why you care what happens to me._

 _But it doesn't explain why I care so much about saving face._ Kylo attempted to sever the connection, but when he turned back to his father, Rey was still there. The bond was getting stronger. "It's too late." He wasn't sure exactly who he was talking to - his father, or Rey. He sent the thought out to her too. _It's too late for me. It's too late for_ us.

He felt her adamant _no_ resonate through his whole body. His father said the same. "No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you."

 _I miss you, Ben Solo._ Rey was gentle and loving, trying to remind him of who he was. In return, he almost screamed, _GET OUT OF MY HEAD!_

* * *

She stumbled back, buffeted by the force of his thoughts, but quickly resumed her place at the railing of the balcony. He spared a glance in her direction. She made eye contact with him and saw the pain in his eyes. Finn was scared for Han, but Rey and Kylo both knew that Rey was worried about him. She felt him begin to shelter his mind from her. _Kylo, please… let me help you._ He exercised all the control he had over his thoughts, and she couldn't read him at all. She nearly broke down. _Kylo…_ she thought out to him. _Please._ His face relaxed, ever so slightly, and he started to remove the shelter over his mind. She felt it retract, until only a small piece of his thoughts was hidden to her. But it was difficult for him to maintain that, and she broke the barrier easily. Realization flooded her mind. He was ruthless. She could feel that he wanted to die, simply because he felt he _had_ to do this to her. _Ben, you don't_ have _to do anything! You could come home, and have a family. You could be okay._

 _I'll never be okay. Do you understand that? I will always be a monster. That's why you should go now._ She was stunned as she finally came to the same conclusion as he did. He couldn't hide it from her. He _loved_ her. He loved her like he'd never loved anyone, nor had he been loved. He had potential for good. He could be good. It seemed to her that he was experiencing an entirely new thing, something he'd never known. It was the same for her. Maybe they weren't that different after all.

 _Yes, we are. You could never be like this; I am. There's the big magical difference. It's not like I could magically be on the Light Side or something..._

 _Kylo, please don't do this! You have the power not to do this… please, Kylo. For me…_

He cut the link. He turned to his father, tears of agony and remorse streaming down his face. She could still feel all of his emotions. She didn't think they would be this intense. He didn't know when he had decided to tell his father the truth, but he did, and he would. "I am being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?" Rey was still in his mind. He couldn't push her out fully. She didn't think he ever would be able to. His father's response was swift. "Yes. Anything." She could see in his face that he meant it. She could tell from Ren's mind that he was talking about her. He missed her loving touch. He wanted to feel her. He was telling Han about his feelings in a roundabout way, and it hurt her for some reason. _Why does this hurt you?_ he asked. _If I can't be in your mind, you can't be in mine, either._ He digressed. He was holding out his lightsaber to his father. She watched, half horrified, half intrigued. Han took the hilt. Then, even though she knew it would happen, she felt her gut twist as he activated the blade and it shot through Han's chest. As one, she and Finn gasped. "Solo…" he panted from her side.

"No. NO!" she screamed. Kylo heard her scream and looked up. There was no triumph in his face. Only loss, pain, and regret. _I'm sorry_ , she heard from his mind.

 _How can you claim that, when you do something like this?_

 _Rey, I really am sorry._

 _No. You're not._

As she looked away from him, unable to see his face any more, she told herself that she was upset with him. She told herself that he couldn't be sorry, because he did the thing willingly, and he'd never understand how it felt to her. She told herself that he was a monster. He was a monster.

* * *

 **This is going to sound dumb, but... I didn't even realize that there were reviews on this story until about two minutes ago. XxXBrickwallXxX and duke15tam, yes, I will absolutely continue posting this story. I'm so sorry, I was having trouble with my editing process, so that plus the fact that I literally created this story at 2 AM today made it a little harder... but I'm not going to post them all at once. Sorry. I like to make people wait for things. But I will absolutely write this story _to it's completion._ I don't say this often, but I am completely committed to For the Love and I will not stop writing until it's done.**

 **I love you all!  
Allie**


	4. What In Hell Is Wrong With Rey?

I don't understand my connection to her. I only know that she is there, always. At the edge of my mind, not really _there_ , but at the same time, there is never a moment when I'm not thinking of her. At least no one can invade my dreams - shit! What if Rey sees my dreams? - that I know of. Not even Snoke. I can see her now. She's sitting on the edge of her bed, not knowing I'm watching her. She's so vulnerable, so open. And for a moment I desire so much to reach inside her head and see - once and for all - if she feels as I do. But I can't, because she would sense me, and shut me out. All would be lost. Rey… she's a ray of hope to the resistance. I snorted. How symbolic her name must be to those puny rebels. I watch her for a while longer, just to look at her face, and then she rolls onto her back on her bed and slips her hand down the waistband of her pants and- I cut the connection. How mortifying it would be to watch that. I turn away. "REY!" I scream, tearing my throat out. "Why did I let you get away? I _need_ you here!" I pull out my red lightsaber and begin to tear the room apart, just for something to do. Just as I'm finishing, as happens at random times, I hear her voice in my mind. _Oh, Ben… why do you take the form of Kylo Ren? He is not you. Ben Solo is a good man… Ben, if you could remember that there are people who love you, maybe you'd be able to return to the light._ My heart jumps into my mouth. "People who love me…" I whisper. "Do you mean yourself, Rey?" _Your mother loves you so much. Your father loved you until he died. He was_ willing _to die for you, if it would bring you peace… Ben Solo, everyone misses you. Please return to us._

I close my mind to her. My heart had sunk back to the bottom of my stomach and broken into a thousand pieces. I just pray she didn't hear it shatter. I decide it's time to finally get my face fixed. I look horrendous, with this huge ugly scar on my face. It's simply a reminder that I'm not strong enough. It's a reminder to improve, I tell myself. But really, I'm just holding on to the place she touched me. Even if it was with a lightsaber. Her tiny, fragile, delicate hands held that saber. They were strong, and sure, and she used my own moves against me. She showed extreme prowess with the Force. I only realized later that it was because of our bond. I shake my head and walk into the medbay. I sit down, and the machine begins to remove all the burn tissue from my face. It's only just finishing when something that's never happened before happens. I can see her. She can see me too, I can tell. Instinctively, she pulls out her blaster, aims it at me, and shoots. I can feel it, like she _actually_ shot me in the heart. I stumble back. She pulls out her saber and begins to attack me with it - from thousands of miles away, of course. I can feel each blow she inflicts as she drives me into a corridor. I attempt to remain calm as she assaults me. "Can you see my surroundings? I can't see yours. Just you." The anger evident in her face doesn't wane at all. "You're a monster." She's told me this before, but since realizing my feelings for her, it stings more this time. "Yes, I am." I sever the connection, unable to take any more. I sit down on a near bench and try to process the last 72 hours: I had met a girl, my mortal enemy, fallen in love with her, she witnessed me kill my father, dueled her in the forest, injured her friend, and then, just now, realized how strong our Force Bond really is. We can see each other and interact with each other. We can speak to each other. We can hurt each other. It's terrible and beautiful, a blessing and a curse. I don't want to hurt her. _You're so beautiful,_ I say (or rather, _think_ would be more accurate) randomly. I'm not sure why I say (think) it, or why I believe it, only that it's true. There's no response. I didn't expected one. Rey, the fearsome lioness, is, as always, staying in her cage.


	5. What In Hell Is Wrong With Ben?

I was tidying up the Falcon when Kylo Ren suddenly appeared before me. "Why is the Force connecting us, you and I?" he asked me in a friendly tone. "Could it be because you're a dick and I'm nice and it wants you back on the side of light?" I responded. He shook his head. "Scavengers. Always the same. No appreciation for anything."

"No, you've got it backwards. You see, Dark Lords who've been handed everything all their lives don't appreciate things. Scavengers like me, who've never had anything, appreciate it more."

"The more I speak to you the more you amaze me."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"I know."

"Kylo… I'd really love to stay and chat with you, but I have things to do."

"Unfortunately, you cannot control this situation, and your chores will have to wait until afterward."

"Did you know that you're supposed to be dead?" I could see that this surprised him. "What?"

"After out battle in the forest, the Resistance thinks you're dead, or rendered incapable. Oh, how wrong they are."

"What does that mean?" It wasn't an accusatory question, it was a genuine one.

"It means that they're wrong. You're still alive, you're still fighting me, and you're still…" _Breathtakingly attractive_ , she thought, making sure he couldn't hear her thoughts. Because he was. With his helmet off, as he always appeared to her now, his dark hair was messy and tangled, hanging down to his shoulders. He stood tall, not wanting to show weakness, and his abs were slightly visible through his black doublet. Idly, I wondered what it would feel like to pull that off and rub my hands all over his chest… _shut up, brain!_ I thought. I must have been broadcasting that one, because Kylo said, "what were you thinking about?"

"None of your business." He held his hands up. "Fine. I just want to get to know you, because it doesn't seem like our bond is going to go away soon." Then he disappeared. I collapsed with exhaustion. I stared up at the stars and wondered briefly how far away from him I was. It hurt. I'd never let him see it, but I physically hurt to be so far from him. "How can I even have these feelings for him? He's the enemy!" I whispered. As I fell asleep, I told myself, "I don't love him, I don't love him, I don't…"

* * *

 **So...**

 **I'm sorry this is so short, but these next two (not counting this one) are going to be a little shorter because they're each just an encounter that they have through the Force. After the late-night Skype calls are over, I'm going to veer entirely away from the canon of the rest of the movie, just so you guys are aware. There will also be a couple entirely made-up force visions of each other, and they're eventually going to learn how to call on it so that they can see each other at any given moment...**

 **That's about it.**

 **I love you all!  
Allie**


	6. Visits From the Light

I step out of my shower. I still can't stop thinking about the girl, the beautiful Rey, who haunts my every thought. At least I took a cold shower. I after my dream last night… suffice it to say, it couldn't be a warm shower. I wrap my towel around my waist and dry my hair. Almost as if thinking of her calls her to me, I can see her. She's looking away from me. "I'd really rather not do this right now."

"Neither would I." She turns, exasperated, and stares for a split second, then intones, "do you have something, a cowel, that you can put on?" I can sense in her mind that I'm making her uncomfortable. **(Of course, he is! He's fucking** ** _jacked_** **!)** For some reason, I don't really care. I walk towards her. "What is happening between us?"

"I'm wanting to hate you more every day."

" _Wanting_ being the operative word?"

"It's not unlikely."

"Rey… I'm okay, you know. I'm not going to kill you."

"Yes, I know."

"I don't want you to ignore me, Rey. You know how I feel, you've seen my mind."

"Yes, I do, and I have, but I have bigger problems than a misguided boy with daddy issues having a crush on me."

"Ouch." I say it jokingly, but her words really sting. "I would hope that by now I'm more than that to you."

"You're nothing to me," she says, then flinches at her own words. "That's not what I meant. What I mean is, I don't know what you are to me, so as much as possible, I'm cutting you out of my thoughts."

"You're thinking of me now."

"It's hard not to when you're standing right in front of me 600 lightyears away and we're having a - surprisingly - civilized conversation."

"Okay then."

"Seriously, can you put _something_ on your torso?"

"Does it bother you that I'm completely shredded?" She rolls her eyes.

"Why are you treating me like a friend?"

"Because we can help each other. We can be _friends_."

"Somehow I have a feeling that somewhere in there is 'rule the galaxy mercilessly side by side', am I correct?"

"Quite possibly, although I wouldn't say 'mercilessly'-"

"Ben, you don't have to be this. You can join me."

I say nothing **(and I literally wanted to insert a lonely ellipsis here. I'm such trash xD)**. "Ben, please-" but then I'm alone again, having severed the connection. I'm not sure what to do. I want so desperately to join her. But at the same time… I have so much power, I can rule, how could I give this up? Snoke cannot continue to rule me, either, however. So I form a plan. It takes much time, and much closing myself off from her to create it, but it's perfect. It's not long after I'm done, however, that she visits me again.

* * *

 **Yeah. I'm so very close to completely fucking this story up. I have to be _very_ careful at this point, although in a couple chapters I'll be back on track again. This is driving me crazy. It's literally 12:15 AM where I am right now, and I'm on my computer _posting fucking fanfiction_. I'm almost done, though.**

 **I love you all.  
Allie**


	7. Visits In the Dark

**Ok, before we start, I want to say a couple things.**

 **First off, thank you all so much for the support on this fic and all my stories, but especially my Reylo ones. Those seem to be the most popular. It really means a lot to me, every time I get a review, it feels so personal. So thank you.**

 **Secondly, I fixed a couple things in a couple of my other fics… Just formatting errors, mostly. So if you read any of the oneshots that I've been promoting (I swear, I'm a saleswoman for my fanfiction), you might want to go see if there are any changes.**

 **Thirdly, this fic is not going to be short. It has seven chapters now, but I have the next three or so chapters all but written, and the next at least 13 chapters planned out. There are going to be a lot of twists and turns.**

 **And finally, I reread the first chapter of this fic, and if you go back there and look at it, specifically at the last paragraph, I realized just now that I'm writing them like I write Dramione. If any of you read my Dramione stuff. I had a lot more Dramione on Wattpad, but I don't use that anymore. And this is seriously almost a page of words on Word. Also, I'd like to note that before I wrote this in my Word Doc (which is titled "Reylo Shit" because I'm awesome [it contains** ** _every_** **Reylo thing I've written this whole time]) it had exactly 10080 words, and 49 pages. Literally 49 pages of fanfiction. I haven't written anything that large** ** _ever_** **. This is almost the end of the 49** **th** **page so… prepare for some hardcore Reylo (isn't it all?)!**

* * *

I ran. I just needed to run. I couldn't handle not knowing. I thought I could find answers, and I ran to the edge of the black. I didn't think, I just jumped. I fell headfirst into water. I couldn't swim. It took all my strength to find the edge and haul myself out. I looked around. It was dark here. There were walls of crystal around me, and there were thousands of me, all doing the same things but each with slightly more delay than the previous. They were all doing what _I_ did. It was terrifying. There was a single wall in front of me, covered by smoke. "Show me my parents," I asked. I saw two silhouettes of human bodies, slowly getting larger, then merging into one. I drew in a sharp breath. It was still coming closer, and I didn't know what to make of it. Then the fog started to clear away, but all I saw beyond it was my own face. I hauled myself up, out of the hole and ran to a small hut. I sat there and almost cried.

I had gotten so used to him cropping up out of nowhere that I almost didn't notice it for a moment when he appeared right in front of me. He wasn't shielded from me at all, which I found odd. At least he was wearing a shirt this time. I could tell that he had been thinking about what I'd said. "Rey… are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Ben."

"It's Ben now?"

"I guess so." He sighed. "Rey, what happened?"

"I just thought I would find answers here. I was wrong."

"About your parents?"

"Yes."

"Rey, you don't have to be this way." His voice was surprisingly gentle. "What do you know, _Kylo Ren_?" He looked almost stung and didn't answer. My face softened. "Ben, you can change. I can help you. I know you feel the power of the light. It calls to you. You can fight the darkness, I know it. You don't have to be 'Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren', you can just be 'Ben'."

"Will you help me?"

"Yes. Anything," I said without hesitation. I suddenly realized I was mirroring Han Solo's last words. I prayed to god he wasn't going to kill me, too. I held out a hand. He slowly took off his glove and carefully reached across the fire. Our fingertips touched, and we felt the same energy we'd felt the very first time he touched me, during my interrogation, but this time, neither of us shied away. It gave us strength. We stared into each other's eyes, his guarded, mine open, hardly daring to hope. However, it was not he who ended it, nor I, but Luke, who saw the flames from outside. He ran to us and screamed, "STOP!" Somehow, he too could see Ben. He didn't trust him. I stared at him, but when I looked back across the fire, Ben Solo was gone.

* * *

 **Another note: This might be my longest chapter of FTL. It's only because I have to do so much with this chapter. From this point on, it's no longer going to be parallel to Last Jedi. Basically, these are the things that** ** _don't_** **happen: Kylo doesn't betray Rey, Rey doesn't get tortured, Kylo doesn't kill Snoke, and none of the shit on Crait happens. If I just ruined some things for you, I'm sorry. Please don't hate me...**

 **Anyway, I love you all.  
Please rate and review so that I know what I'm doing right!  
Love,  
Allie**


	8. Betrayal

**This chapter is going to have a lot of mentions of Kylo's anger issues, and his susceptibility to manipulation. I think that I really want this to be the case because I don't really write about that stuff that much, and also, it's kinda important to the plotline.**

 **xD I love you guys! (God, this ship is trash. I love it.)**

* * *

I'm confused. Neither of us cut the connection. I don't even know what happened. I could only see Rey. She looked to the side, and instinctually I looked the same direction, but I could not see her surroundings. I'm not even sure that I actually touched her hand. General Hux walks into the room. "Ren, Supreme Leader Snoke wants to see you." I stand. I can't think about her now. I need to focus. I shut everything out and put on a mask of emotionlessness. I go to see Snoke.

When I arrive in the Supreme Leader's audience chamber, I kneel. He says, "Kylo Ren… you disappointed me, but now you have a chance to redeem yourself." With my teeth gritted and a terrible effort, I say, "anything, Master."

"Good. Go to the planet of Korriban in the Outer Rim. Find me the artifact I desire. You will know what I seek when you land. Bring it to me, and your training will be complete."

"Yes Master." I nod grimly.

* * *

I walk away from the encounter with dread in my heart. _Rey,_ I think. **(They think each other's names for no reason a lot, don't they?)** As I enter the hangar, I suddenly feel a force probing my mind. An unknown force, much more powerful than Rey is. I collapse, screaming, to the ground. Snoke's voice echoes in my head. "So… I was correct. You have… _compassion_ for the girl. She will never look at you again after this, if that is truly what you feel." I feel my consciousness get pushed to the edge of my mind. It's like I'm an ant and Snoke is a giant. He takes all the room in my mind and I can't stop him from crushing me. He takes over my body, and then I'm standing there, waiting for Rey, and her pod enters the hangar and lands next to me, and she sees me, and I see her, and then I'm walking away from her. She gets out of her pod and no one stops her, and I can feel that she's confused and that she can't sense a thing about me. Snoke has locked her out completely. I grab my lightsaber and activate it, and keep walking. I strike down random stormtroopers and low-ranking officers, and continue on my way. I can feel her follow me. I enter a room I've never been in, although I know what it is. It's a room full of children. Snoke's voice is in my head again, yelling "she will see you do what your grandfather did!" and my arm is moving, holding my lightsaber towards these children and I slaughter them all, and then Snoke is gone and I'm in control again and Rey is horrified. She stares at me, and I look up at her, and she says, "you're a monster." She looks away, like she can't handle looking at my face. "I'm in love with a monster." I stand, and look at her, a little puzzled. I'd never managed to get that from her mind. "You're… in love with me…?" I whisper. She ignores me. "God, Kylo!" She pinches the bridge of her nose. "You're vicious, and selfish, and heartless, and I love you, but that doesn't mean I can _forgive_ those things. It only means I will protect you."

"Rey," I whisper, then realize that I have nothing to say.

"Don't come after me. And don't try to contact me with the Force either." I stand there long after she's gone, and I ask myself how I ruined everything I wanted.

* * *

 **Okay, one quick thing. Just so you're prepared, it will probably end in an author's note that's longer than this chapter. I'm basically going to edit the entire story. I'm going to change minor things so that they're not madly in love within five minutes of meeting each other because it felt too rushed when I reread it. It could just be me looking for minor flaws, but I want it to be as well-written as possible for my readers. Also, have any of you seen "What If?" with Daniel Radcliffe and Adam Driver? It's a really,** ** _really_** **good movie, and there's this one line by Adam Driver's character that I really want to give to Kylo even though it's super goofy and not at all the type of thing Ben would say. It's "I just had sex and now I'm gonna eat NACHOS! This is the** ** _best day_** **of my** ** _life_** **!" That line makes me really happy. If you haven't seen the movie, just look up "I just had sex" and it will come up as an autocorrect option, watch the scene, it rocks. Also, I was right (I literally typed "write" there). This A/N is waaaaaaaay too long.**

 **I love you all!  
Happy Holidays!  
Allie**


	9. Intermediary

I almost wished he'd call my name. No, I wished he would. Because I knew that if he asked me to stay with him, I would. Without hesitation. However, after watching him slaughter all those innocent babies… how could I handle that? I ran back to my ship, entered it, and flew as quickly as I could back to the resistance base **(I'm not sure what planet it's on, the one in the Ileenium/D'Quar system)**. I landed, and Finn, Poe, and Leia were waiting for me. I got off my ship, and at the sight of my face, their faces all mirrored each other's concern. Finn put his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off. "Leave me alone." They stared after me, all shocked, confused, and very worried.

I arrived in my quarters and sat on my bed. "Kylo Ren. Huh. How you bested me I'll never know. I wish you could just not be an object of my thoughts. That would be wonderful."

"Kylo Ren? That's what this is about?" It was Poe. He was standing in my doorway. He walked into my room. "Do you love him?"

"I thought I told you to leave me alone."

"Do. You. Love him?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now you accept it. Now, you can start letting go."

"How would you know anything about what I'm going through?"

"Because I'm looking at your face, and it's telling me that he broke your heart. I don't know how and I'm not going to ask, but I've felt that too."

"You've had your heart broken? By whom?"

"Finn."

"You- _Finn_?"

"Finn. I liked him a lot, worked with him, he went into a coma, I was far more scared than you were. He woke up, and I was so excited, and then… Rose."

"Right."

"So, I can help you fix your heart."

"Thank you for the offer, Poe Dameron, but I really don't want to talk to anyone right now."

"Fine. I'll see you around, then."

* * *

 **Ok.**

 **I know this chapter is short, but it's going to be uploaded almost at the exact same time as the next one, which (I'm pretty sure) will be much longer. You'll have plenty of content.**

 **I love writing, and updating and things, so I'm sorry if it's weird that I'm uploading four or five chapters a day, but I just** ** _love_** **this story. So. Much.**

 **We're getting close to some major conflict. Obviously, it's not this. This is big, but it's going to feed into something bigger, okay?**

 **I love you all!  
Allie**

 **P.S. If you want to address me directly, you can call me Allie. You can also PM me with ideas and things you want to see me write about. I love hearing other people's points of view. Let me know!**


	10. Redemption

**I have a favor to ask. I'll wait until the end, because a) it spoils this chapter and b) I don't want anyone to forget.**

 **Also, this chapter is Rey again.**

* * *

Five days later, as I was sulking, I found an abandoned area where I could drink space-coffee and no one would find me. **(spoiler alert: someone's gonna find her)** I sat down and set my drink down beside me. I put my head in my hands and, for the first time since the accident, I let myself cry. I didn't know why it broke me so much. I knew he was a monster and a killer. I knew he was dark side. I decided that I had just let my feelings get in the way too much. I had fallen in love with him, and it made me desperate to get him back on the light side, and when I, _a scavenger_ , couldn't save him, I felt destroyed. First love was harsh.

I stood up when I heard someone walking near me. Then running. Then- "Rey!" I sat back down. It was Finn. I didn't want him to find me. He found me anyway. "Rey," he said breathlessly. "Go away, Finn."

"Rey!" He was a little more insistent now.

"Finn, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anybody."

"Rey, this is important."

"What could be so important that I can't-"

"Kylo's here. In the infirmary. Dying."

"Ben's dying?" His nod confirmed. "Oh, god. What did the bastard do this time?"

"He went after you."

"He _what_?"

Hurriedly walking towards the infirmary, Finn filled me in on the details. "He went to some planet… um… Mustafar, I think it's called. Apparently, some great historical event happened there-"

"Anakin Skywalker died there." **(obviously, this is a matter of opinion. I have always been of the view that when Vader was born, Anakin died, like Obi-Wan told Luke in A New Hope. However, you may see it differently.)** At his puzzled look, my face flushed and I said, "Ben told me."

"Anyway, apparently he went there and renounced the Dark Side." At this, my heart jumps a little. "The Force, like… attacked him, and he went unconscious. Leia sensed his life failing, found him, and went to save him. She found him covered in burns and lying on the ground, unmoving. She brought him back. As a result, he's dying, but not dead. And he's not deformed, either, just badly burned." I let out a long breath. Ben was safe. He wasn't going to die (I told myself) and I was never going to leave him again. "Wait - so what do you know about _us_?"

"What's _us_?"

"Kylo and… me? I guess?"

"I know that you're pissed at him and that he feels remorseful. That's about it."

"So Dameron didn't tell you what he figured out when I first came back? When he found me?"

"He said you wouldn't let him in the room."

"Sort of…" I trailed off. We jogged in silence.

When we arrived, Finn had other duties to tend to, but Poe was there. "Did you tell anyone what I told you?" I asked him.

"No. I didn't think it would be fair."

"Thank you. Now, let me in."

"Okay." He opened the door, and I entered. I found Ben quickly. I resisted the urge to run to him and hold him and forget everything but him. I walked toward him and General Solo as calmly as I could. "Rey," Leia greeted me. "I'm so glad you're here. He's been calling for you. Both in sleep and awareness." I looked down at him. His face was, blessedly, unscarred. His arms were badly burned, and his black outfit had been mostly burned away. His lower half was covered by a sheet, but his chest was completely bare. I'd seen his bare chest once before, but he'd been lightyears away then… now, I could reach out and touch it. I didn't, for fear of hurting him. His eyes opened, and he saw me. "Rey. Rey!" He was practically yelling. "Rey, what's going on?"

"You almost died. You almost died for me."

"Yeah… yeah, I did, didn't I?" He relaxed, resting his head on the pillow. "Rey, I love you."

"I know." I saw Leia's smirk at his words turn into a bittersweet smile at mine.

"Don't leave."

"Not until I have to, Ben." Leia stood. "I have work to do."

"Mom," Ben called. She turned. "Ben, I want you to know I'm sorry for not being there when you were a child."

"Mom, it's okay. I'm okay now." Unconsciously, I grasped his hand, and he smiled at me. "Rey…" He fell back into a deep sleep.

* * *

 **Okay.**

 **I have something to ask of you.**

 **Do you want a chapter, from Kylo's point of view, showing exactly what happened on Mustafar? I'm going back and forth about it, because I'm not really sure...  
If you guys really want it, then I will write it.  
I just need you to review and let me know whether I should write it or not.**

 **I love you all.  
Allie**


	11. Author's Note

**So…**

 **I uploaded those two chapters and immediately turned it off. I ate lunch and watched Avengers: Age of Ultron, and now, when I just came back, I have four new reviews on Chapter 10: Redemption. Three out of four say something along the lines of "yeah, we need to know what happened on Mustafar." The other one just says that the reader loves the story.**

 **So, I will be writing a Ben POV for what happened on Mustafar.**

 **Just to keep you all happy, it will be fairly long. Actually, strike that. Because a ton of shit happened on Mustafar** ** _and_** **to keep you guys happy, it will be fairly long.**

 **I'd also like to say that this story will be at least 20 chapters long. It's going to get crazy, and there's going to be serious betrayal and misunderstanding involved, because I am a crueler person than Kylo Ren.**

 **I am just getting warmed up, guys. Get ready for the ride of your life.**

 **I love you all so much, and thank you for your support.  
Allie**


	12. Mustafar

**Here you go. Here's your Ben POV of him almost dying. I hope you're happy. Now you get to see my bae almost die.**

 **But I'm not mad.**

 **Even though he's fucking gorgeous.**

 **This was really fun to write. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 _Recap:_

 _Kylo Ren was essentially possessed by Snoke, forced to slaughter a bunch of children in front of his fucking_ soulmate _, then was rejected by said soulmate, and then he just stood there staring after her._ _Pretty messed up._

 _He then went to Mustafar to reject the darkness in an attempt to be with Rey, and nearly got himself killed. He's basically doing everything he can, but Rey is still conflicted, and she needs to know that he's really on her side before she can, in good conscience, be with him._

* * *

I stand there long after she's gone, and I ask myself how I ruined everything I wanted. Finally, I shake myself out of my daze, shoving the pain and self-loathing to the back of my mind, and run to my ship. I enter the cockpit and take off from the hangar bay without clearance. No one shoots after me, because I'm Kylo Ren, and I'd just kill them all. I close my eyes, once I'm a safe distance from the Star Destroyer, and feel around for Rey. She's closed off from me; I can't sense her at all. I suddenly feel as if I don't know her, because I can't think of a reasonable place for her to go. I don't know where her friends are. **(Bear in mind that [for the sake of this story] Ben thinks the Ileenium System has been blown up)** Then I hear a voice. It sounds vaguely similar to the voice of Darth Vader, without the heavy breathing and the mask. I assume it must be Anakin Skywalker. Then I realize I'm hearing a battle. Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Kenobi yells, "you were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! It was you who would bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness."

"I hate you!" is Skywalker's scream in response.

"You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you." The voices clear, but it's obvious what the Force is trying to tell me. I have to go to the scene of that crime and do what Anakin Skywalker could not - renounce the darkness. Only then will I have a chance to save Rey. _What exactly am I saving her from?_ I ask myself.

 _From Kylo Ren,_ is the only response I have.

* * *

I land on the fire planet and open my doors. I suddenly wish that I had my helmet, because the fumes in the air here are toxic. If you breathe them in directly, they can knock you out, or even kill you. I stand at the bottom of the ramp to my ship and look out. I pull a special device out of my cloak - a tracker. It shows that I'm not too far from my destination. I turn and grimly walk away from the ship. After about fifteen minutes, I can see the pitch-black structures that suddenly appear over the rubble of the fiery sand. "The Obsidian Towers." I don't stop to stare. I just run towards them. Once I enter, I can sense something about this place… a higher awareness. I know, inexplicably, that this is the place where my grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, was destroyed. I walk towards the center of the large room. It's a shining circular obsidian floor surrounded by something indescribable **(imagine Stonehenge, but it's all the same height and they're in a circle)**. I step onto a slight raised platform in the center and this higher awareness I sensed at the beginning forces me onto my knees. I kneel before an altar, and I know that it won't let me up until I complete its ritual - to transcend into the darkness. No one has ever come here to rid themselves of the darkness before. I will be the first. I hear its instructions in my mind. _Drink from the bowl_. I look at the bowl on the altar. It's dark on this planet, but I can clearly tell that it's a bowl of blood. I take out my tracker. It has been rendered useless, so I crush it with the Force. I find the sharpest piece of metal and hold it over the back of my forearm **(just so you know, I chose this because it's one of the places with the fewest pain receptors in your body)**. If the way to the darkness is to absorb the evil by drinking blood, then I will rid myself of it by draining my blood from my body. I hold my arm over the bowl and make a miniscule cut in it. My blood drips into the bowl until I hold a cloth against it. The awareness around me is furious, I can feel it. I feel myself being forced to the ground. I lay there on my stomach trying to figure out what to do. I struggle against it and, to my extreme surprise, it yields. I stand, and out of nowhere I'm thrown backward. I fall into a fire. I feel part of it go out, but instead it splits into many fires around me, between my arms and legs, next to my head. It burns me, and I see dark red smoke around me. Only then do I realize that this Force - an ally of the darkness, or, quite possibly, the darkness itself - has been protecting me the whole time I've been on this planet. It saw me as an enemy of the light, here to complete my journey to the Dark Side of the Force. It is furious that it was mistaken. The last thing I feel as the fumes take me is pain. My last thought is of her face.

* * *

 **Ok.**

 **Definitely the longest chapter so far. This is literally taking up 3 ½ pages in word right now, and I'm only talking about the beginning of this A/N. This type is not huge.**

 **I love this story so much, and I've seen so many amazing reviews on it. Thank you all for the amazing support on my stories. It honestly means the galaxy to me. I love you all so much.**

 **My fans are officially the greatest fans ever! I don't even need that many (although I'm definitely getting quite a few more than I ever had before writing 6,000 words worth of Reylo), but I would want them to be devoted, and they are (this is my secret fantasy come true).**

 **I love you all so very, very much, I cannot express it in words. I'm starting to talk all formal like I make Kylo and Rey talk. Probably because I've spent 90% of the time I wasn't sleeping the past four days writing about them.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	13. Infirmary

**Another Ben POV because I needed to balance it out. This immediately follows the last chapter.**

* * *

I wake on a ship. I'm not really awake, but aware enough to hear my mother's voice. She's talking to someone on a comm… I hear her say "Finn". That filthy First Order traitor! Then I remember; I'm a traitor to the First Order too. Somehow, that makes everything okay. I hear my name, and I want to ask about it, but then I drift back into sleep.

* * *

This time, I'm awake enough to feel the pain. It's all over my torso and arms, and my legs too. I'm moving… on some kind of bed, with wheels. A stretcher… where are they taking me? I see my mother, then brown hair - "Rey…" I mumble - and then the Millennium Falcon. I must be at the Resistance base. Why am I here? Because my mother's a general? Probably. No one knows of my connection with or feelings for Rey. Then I'm being lifted by strong hands into a bed much softer than that stretcher. I settle into it and go back to sleep.

* * *

I wake two more times before I finally see her. The first time, I wake up and my mother is asleep at my side. No one is watching me, so I just go back to sleep. The next time, she's awake, and looking at me. I slowly wake up, a little groggy and start to sit up. "Rey…" I mumble. "Where's Rey?"

"Shh… Ben, we can't find her."

" _What_?"

"Ben, you need to rest, you're not strong enough. We will-" she can tell I'm not paying attention, I'm too busy trying to find her with my mind. "Hey, look at me." Something in her voice makes me look at her. "We _will_ find Rey. And as soon as we do, she will come here. I'll make sure of that."

"Mom… I'm- I'm in love with her."

"Good." I lean back and let myself rest.

The next time I wake, Rey is there. She's the first thing I see, and I start to call her name, because the part of my brain that's still asleep thinks that Rey is simply a Force vision. "Rey!" I yell. She smiles at me, and everything is okay. She's there. Everything's going to be okay.

* * *

 **Ok...**

 **I wanted to clear something up, just so you all know. I'm not overlooking the fact that in the Rey POV she's sulking "five days later". Basically, it takes Kylo about a day to get to Mustafar, and then there's the thing that happens there which takes about an hour, and then he's unconscious for maybe six hours before Leia finds him, and then it takes them a day to get to the Ileenium system, and Rey is avoiding everyone for about two days before Finn finds her.**

 **I love you all so much.  
You rock!  
Allie**


	14. Preparation

**Just Some Fluff...**

 **In preparation for devastation. Sorry Reylo shippers! There will always be darkness to overshadow the light... That was way more ominous and cooler-sounding than I thought!  
I love you all so much. Please don't hate me for tearing them apart so much... I need to.**

* * *

We sat in that room for a while, not knowing what was happening, exactly, only that we were together and we were okay. Finally I worked up the courage to ask him about the kids. "Kylo… when you killed those children, in front of _me_ … why did you do it?" Choosing to overlook the fact that I had called him 'Kylo' and not 'Ben', he replied, "that wasn't me, Rey. Snoke, a much more powerful being than I, took over my thoughts. He _forced_ me to kill them. He thought it would keep me away from you."

"Why didn't he want you near me?"

"Think about it, Rey. You were the only thing that threatened my loyalty to the Dark Side. If he could get you to hate me, I would stay on the Dark Side, and, quite frankly, he _needs_ me."

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"You can read my mind, remember? If I'm lying, you'll know, either because you can see it or because I shield it from you." I reached out with my thoughts. I felt his mind. I saw every corner of it, and I heard all his thoughts. He was telling the truth. Snoke had controlled him.

"Ben, I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"I just… left. I just rejected you and left, without giving you a chance. I think… I think that part of me wants you to be unredeemable, because if I can't save you, it saves me the effort of it, and the pain of losing you… over and over again. I'm so selfish."

"Rey, you are the exact opposite. It's interesting, actually. Every single thing you just said was wrong."

"How?" **(another thing they have in common; Luke said that to both of them xD I love this trash ship!)**

"You left, yes, but not without giving me a chance. In fact, you gave me more of a chance than I deserve. That particular instance pushed you over the edge, that's all. You don't want me to be unredeemable. Admit it. You love me too much. And you're not selfish. You are so much kinder, and gentler, and more loving than I will ever be." I smiled at him. I then decided to change the subject. "Remember when we had one of those random…"

"Force connections?"

"Yeah… and you weren't wearing a shirt?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you take off your shirt when you were interrogating me? I'd have given you all the information you wanted." My eyes skimmed his abdomen, not escaping his notice. He smirked at me. "I would have, but it felt a little rapey."

"I can understand that."

"Rey, I love you."

"I love you too, Ben. You know that. And you are worthy of it."

"Thank you, Rey."


	15. Devastation

**So…**

 **Just so y'all know…**

 **Reylo might kiss soon, and they might not. I'm still deciding. Also, there will be minor Strompilot in the upcoming chapters, just because I seriously wanted to add it in there.**

 **You all rock!**

 **P.S. More Rey POV because I have to be inconsistent, sorry.**

* * *

I was still there when visiting hours ended **(because that's how all great love stories go)**. He was asleep by then, but that was fine. I was perfectly content to watch him sleep like a not-at-all-creepy person. I thought it was justified, considering that he was completely shredded (and still not covered)… oh, and he'd watched me sleep when I was knocked out and locked in a chair. He was just being kept in a hospital. I figured I was okay. Anyway, once I was kicked out, I couldn't go back in for days. I was too busy with all the menial chores Leia tasked me with. I think she thought that if I was busy I wouldn't have _time_ to think about her son. Instead, all that happened was that I never stopped. I was always busy from the moment I woke up until after visiting hours were over. He found me first. I was asleep in my bed on the Falcon when he did. **(in case you're curious, she sleeps on the Falcon because she's not comfortable sleeping on the base.)** I rolled over in a brief moment of consciousness, and saw the silhouette of a man, clothed all in black. My mind went through possibilities, never considering Ben, because, after all, he was in the hospital. I grabbed my blaster and pointed it at the figure. "Who's there?" He held his hands up in surrender and walked into the light. "Rey, it's ok. It's just me. Put the gun down." I smiled a little nervously and set it back on the end table where I kept it. "It's ok. The safety's on, anyway. I couldn't hurt you. Why are you here?"

"Because I couldn't handle that infirmary, it feels like a prison."

"Ben, if I have to Force you to stay in that bed, I will. You owe me at least three days in the infirmary **(Solangelo!)**." He smiled. "That's fine, but I just needed to see you. I'm so much safer with you than in any infirmary." I laughed.

"So true." We smiled at each other, the awkwardness gone, the tension broken. "I've missed you, Ben."

"So have I."

"I just hope… I hope that it's not too much. I love you, Ben, but it's so easy to get lost in things like that… I don't know."

"It's okay. I understand." I nodded. We talked for a while, then eventually he had to return to the infirmary before anyone became suspicious. I smiled at his back as he left. "I love you." I whispered. I went back to sleep, and dreamt of him.

* * *

I woke in an unfamiliar room. It was lit with a ruddy glow, and there was no one there. For a moment, I was worried that I was strapped down, because I had been in that position before, until I moved my arms and legs. They were free. I stood up, and immediately had to sit back down. There was something in my head… I wasn't sure. It was hard to think, and whenever I moved, my head hurt. I lay back down and tried not to think.

* * *

 **Rare POV switch**

* * *

I woke up late the next day. Rey still wasn't beside me. I sighed. My mother must be working her to the bone. Again. I was allowed to walk for short periods of time, so I decided to go pay the General a visit. "Morning, Mom," I said as I walked in. I sat in a comfortable chair and looked at her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm a little concerned **(because nobody's honest in novels, I'm just going to make them be honest)**. Rey still hasn't woken up yet, or at least come out of the Falcon."

"What?" I stood up and walked as quickly as I could towards the ship. I entered and almost as soon as I was inside I knew. I stared at the bed. It was empty. Rey was gone.

* * *

 **So, this isn't exactly the turn I was planning to take earlier on, but I like this plotline more, and it will get us to the same ending, so… yeah.**

 **I love you all.**

 **Thank you for your support on this story.**

 **Happy Holidays, again, even though Christmas isn't for like, four days.**

 **Um, get ready for the devastation to get worse than this, because the aforementioned ending is not what you'd expect.**

 **And finally, because I don't have one on this story, a shoutout to my amazing, gorgeous girlfriend SheWh0Was1. She keeps me going always, and it means so much to me. I love you babe.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	16. AN 2

**Super quick update for you guys: I want to address a couple reviews I've gotten.**

 **Cheetobunz - yeah, I probably will. Not sure yet. Or maybe I am… *cue dramatic music***

 **Jdross70 - I'm not sure I'm going to write that, unless everyone really wants it. The short version is, she can sense him because he's her son, so she feels his life waning and reaches out to find him with the Force (as we saw in TLJ, she's not weak with it) and finds him, then goes to get him as quickly as possible. As for your other point, he's calling her 'mom' in an effort to reconcile with her after his extremely brave attempt to return to the light.**

 **duke15tam - obviously, it's supposed to be exasperating, and you'll find out where she is** ** _and_** **what's happening in the coming chapters. As we waited so patiently for TLJ, you'll have to wait for this.**

 **Also, I'm sorry that I haven't done** ** _anything_** **today. I mentioned the other day that we watched Avengers: Age of Ultron, well, me and my family are basically doing an extended Marvel movie marathon. Today it was Captain America: Civil War and Doctor Strange. Tomorrow it's Guardians 2 and Spiderman: Homecoming, and Saturday it's Thor Ragnarok (although I've seen all three in theaters). This is basically how we're coping with the next two years of waiting for Star Wars: Episode IX to come out. However, I will be watching it again this weekend and next weekend as well. I love this movie. (Update: I just realized that this isn't clear. I mean I will be seeing TLJ in theaters with my brother, girlfriend and parents this weekend, and next weekend I'll watch it (in IMAX) with my grandparents, who haven't seen it.)**

 **I love you all so much and thank you for being so patient.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	17. The Hunt

**Okay, I'm going to update one more time today. After today I probs won't update for a day, but I'll be back on Saturday. Who knows, I might actually update tomorrow. I don't know.**

 **In other news, I have only just realized, at 7:35 PM (in America) that it's the winter solstice today. Happy Winter!**

 **I love you all. All the reviews make me smile every time, and it makes me want to update even more than I already do. It's so rewarding to write. I love you all.**

 **I don't know how many of you have read my actual profile (I don't honestly care that much, I mostly wrote that for my own enjoyment), but if you want to know a little more about me (not that I'm really giving you a choice) I kinda want to open up.**

 ** _But_** **, you want to see what's going to happen, so I'll do that later.**

 **Just a warning, though, this is like, a half-filler chapter, so it might not be as good as the others. Also, it's a back-and-forth chapter, and the next one is Ben.**

* * *

He stared at her empty bed. Taken, in the night, like a hostage. They probably knocked her out, too. _I'm the only one who's allowed to do that to her,_ he thought **(that's a joke, I'm not at all condoning abusive behavior)**. _When I find you, I will fuck you all up,_ he vowed. He turned to the woman behind him. "Mom, please help me."

"Is this really…?" He nodded. The only woman he'd ever loved. The only _person_ he'd ever loved. "Mom, please."

"Of course. Honestly Ben," she put her hand on his shoulder. "She's already like a daughter to me. You couldn't have chosen better." He smiled slightly at what he was suggesting. Marriage? Seriously?

Then something occurred to him, and he almost kicked himself for not having thought of it before. He reached out with him mind, feeling for her. He could feel her energy somewhere in the Gaerian Sector **(I made that up)**. He turned to his mother. "I found her," was all he had to say. She nodded and began to prepare a small strike team.

* * *

She woke in a small room, dimly lit **(I know I've been over this, but I want to recap)**. Every movement hurt her head. When she could finally stumble to the tiny porthole window, she only saw red sand everywhere, for miles. It was like Jakku, but redder. Her worst nightmare. She hated Jakku, even though she waited for her parents there for years. That was why she marked it like a prison. And it was the color of blood. The color of his lightsaber… she pushed that thought out of her head. _How do I get out of here?_ she thought. She searched for a flaw, but after a while, the headache was too much to bear. She sat back down on the bed and stared at the wall. She tried not to think about anything, especially not her injured - what was he? Boyfriend? Lover? Neither seemed accurate. Neither of them really grasped the complexity of what he was to her - who was, at this very moment, probably risking his stupid fucking life for her again. "Dammit, Ben!" she yelled at nobody. After a while, there was shuffling at her door. She didn't look; she was too bored. Eventually, the lock turned **(to the Dark Side xD)** , and a short man stepped into the room. He was brunet **(it's spelled brunette when it's female and brunet when it's male, just so you all know and don't try to correct me)** and balding, with a pudgy face and watery blue eyes. He was extremely unattractive, and that led her to think about Ben. Again. Who was, for the record, _extremely_ attractive. The small man didn't introduce himself, he just walked into the center of the room and said, in a high, grating voice, "we have a deal for you."

"Look, I've done this all before, with someone I was _far_ more likely to give answers to, because he is both more persuasive and gentler than you, obviously, so before you even ask, I'm not giving you anything."

"Oh, we know all about your 'Ben Solo'. Or should I call him Kylo Ren? I can't keep up. Anyway, here's the deal…" As he explained, her eyes widened more and more, and by the end, she was almost crying. "You couldn't do that," she whispered. "Oh, my superiors have that power and much, much more. So, I suggest you do what we want."

"You won't… _hurt_ me, will you?"

"No. We'll get what we want from you in… other ways." He said it ominously, and it made her think of horrible crimes, terrible things only maniacs would do. This man definitely seemed like a maniac to her. "I'll leave you to decide," he said. He walked out of the room, leaving Rey with her thoughts. He locked the door with much difficulty, but he walked away whistling, as if he'd already won.

* * *

 ***dun dun DUNNNNNNNNN***

 **Yeah.**

 **So good at that shit.**

 **I ended it there specifically to annoy you guys. Did it work? I'm having so much fun with this story, and I'm also noticing that my chapters are getting longer. Okay, my author's notes are getting longer. But still…**

 **As long as the content is still good, please keep up with the reviews, they make my day better every time, and lord knows I need that…**

 **Which leads me into the next thing I was going to say. So, like I said, I want to open up a little bit. So, it wasn't on this story, or one of my Reylo stories, but I did say at one point that I wanted to kill myself. I have attempted suicide twice, and I've cut myself a shit ton of times. When I get into that place where I don't matter to anyone and the world is better off without me, I write a lot. I write songs and stories, and it's all really dark. One of my most adult oneshots ever, and one of my best, titled, "the Death Line" (it's a Power Rangers one) came from that. So did one of my best songs ever, "Can't Keep Pretending". When I read your reviews and things, it feels like I matter to the world. It feels like people care about me, and I don't feel that way a lot. That's one of the reasons that I love your reviews so much. I'm telling you this now because earlier today, while playing video games, which, being a girl, I already feel like I shouldn't be good at, my brother said a bunch of stuff that made me feel bad about myself, and, for the first time in a while, I got low. But because it hadn't happened in a while, it got really low. I started to hate myself. It was one of my worst "episodes" ever. I'm not sure why I'm telling all of you this, except to say that just as you make me feel like I matter to you, you all matter to me. You all matter to someone, and even when they hurt you and things seem sucky, the world would be all the less if you just weren't in it.**

 **Life is shit. Believe me, I know. But it's the people that make it worth living. Remember that.**

 **I'm saying this for you guys, and, to an extent, for myself. I really love this story, and it's brought me closer to myself, and your support is what has kept me writing it, so thank you.**

 **I love you all.  
Allie**


	18. The Hearbreak

I was banking on being able to _find_ her. Not this. I was hoping that I would be able to actually pinpoint her location as we got closer. Obviously not. We're in the middle of the Gaerian Sector, and I can't even tell what direction to go. "Dammit!" I yell. "Where's my lightsaber?"

"Ben, you can't just grab your lightsaber and tear things to pieces when you get angry." **(this is a nod to one of my favorite scenes from TFA, where Rey escapes and then Kylo finds out, and he's just destroying her chair. It cuts to the hallway just outside and you can hear him going at it and see sparks, and there are two stormtroopers there, and they start to walk down the hall but see and hear his little temper tantrum and they turn around and go the other direction. I always loved that scene, it makes me laugh xP I'm so lame.)** Leia grabs my arm and I turn around. "Mom, look. I can't do _anything_ to help her. She could be _dead_ and I wouldn't. Fucking. KNOW! And you want me to be CALM!" I'm full-on yelling now. "I CAN'T BE CALM WHEN HER FUCKING LIFE IS ON THE LINE!" She looks at me patiently. "Ben, I love you. You're my son. I understand this, okay? I know what that feels like. This is how I felt when you left me and your father for ten years. Your leaving tore us apart, and it took Rey to put us back together. And then he died. We didn't really get to reconcile our differences before he died. It's one of my greatest regrets. But I regret losing you more. I will never let go of something like that ever again, including Rey. She's not dead. I can feel it in the Force. If I can feel it, you damn well can too!" I look at her. "You're right. I want you to be wrong, but you're right."

"Just like your father."

"Shut up, mother." We sit back down at the controls and try to figure it out.

Two hours later, I stand up and take a break. As I walk into the back of the ship, I'm suddenly transported somewhere entirely different. I can see a dimly lit room, small and nearly windowless. Standing directly in front of me is a figure. It looks feminine, and has long, brown hair, down to it's waist. When it senses me, it stiffens. "Kylo," it acknowledges my presence. "Rey?" I ask, surprised by the familiarity of that voice. "Hello, Kylo."

"No Ben?"

"Why would I call you by a name you don't even accept? No, to me you are Kylo Ren, the betrayer, the destroyer of worlds and the defiler of all that is holy!" She practically screams it. "Rey, what are you talking about?"

She finally turns around. Her face is serene, but contorts with anger when she yells at me. "You have no right to call me that!"

"What have they done to you?"

"They've done nothing to me. Nothing at all. I'm exactly the same as I've always been," she says softly.

"Rey… are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm perfect." She laughs. "Oh, yeah. You told me that once. I remember. You told me that I was perfect. And now I am. I can't believe I thought you could love me. You're a monster, careless and unloved."

"I do love you. Don't you remember? You are the one who brought me back from the Dark Side."

"You don't love me, stop pretending! I loved you, Ben Solo! I did. But now? Now, I hate you with a passion. It consumes me. Don't try to find me. If you do, I'll kill you."

I return to reality with a shattered heart and a broken spirit.

* * *

 **Ok.**

 **I did that on purpose too.**

 **And now, I'm going to write like three chapters, and I'm not going to post them until Saturday. Just so you'll suffer.**

 **I love you!  
Allie**

 **P.S. This is me as a reader:**

 **me: *reads title* this can't be good  
me: *reads chapter* OH MY GOD HOW FUCKING DARE SHE**


	19. The Escape

**Both. Again.**

* * *

He didn't interact with anyone with anyone for the rest of the ride back, other than to say they should leave, which he told his mother. He went into a quiet room and stared at the wall, thinking about her. She would never have said something like that to him. After everything, she would never leave him. Or at least, that was what he wanted to believe. But the fact was that she didn't want him. He didn't even consider probing her mind. It wasn't fair. Ok, he considered it. A lot. But, in a show of self-restraint, he decided against that particular course of action. He'd invaded her mind enough for a lifetime. But, at the same time, their connection wouldn't just disappear. If she wanted to stay… wherever she was for the rest of her life, that was her choice, but it wouldn't make him suddenly unable to see her thoughts, and it wouldn't make him stop missing her.

* * *

She stared out the window. She could feel his emotions. She could tell he was thinking about her. _If you want to stay… wherever you are for the rest of your life, that's fine, that's your choice, Rey, but it won't make me miss you less, and it won't make our connection disappear._ She collapsed against the wall in a fit of sobbing. "Oh, Ben. If only you knew…" Once again, the short man opened her door, but instead of entering her room, he stood in her doorway, standing over her victoriously. Through her tears, she said, "alright. I did what you wanted. I broke his heart. Now… will you keep him safe?" He contemplated mockingly for a moment. "Ah… no."

"But you promised! You promised me that if I did what you asked, you wouldn't hurt him!"

"We only wanted to break you, my dear. We were never going to hurt him anyway. Just you." He backed out of the room and shut the door. She slid further down the wall and punched it a couple times. "Ben… I love you."

* * *

 **Ok, before I go any further: imagine that this is a montage of pain and (possibly, no spoilers) reconciliation.**

 **All you need rn is a montage, come on.**

 **Also, it has to get better before it can go off in yet another unexpected direction. But there's only one more planned (actually, that depends on your definition. It's more like one and a half). And… I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be done with this by the end of my winter break, which ends on January 2** **nd** **. If I have to, I'll make it last until New Years'. Also, I'm going to put out a couple Christmastime oneshots, and some New Years' oneshots. Please read them, even if they suck!**

 **Oh, one more thing. When I'm writing these in Word, I always put a little sentence of some kind in [] where the paragraph lines go, because that's how I remember to put them in. They're all pretty funny. Maybe I'll post them sometime.**

* * *

He felt her before he saw her. He was still being depressed and stupid, so he wasn't really paying attention, but when he felt her, he almost didn't know what he was feeling. Then he realized what it was. "God, Rey-"

"Ben, my lightsaber. Where is it?"

"What?"

" _Where. Is. My. Lightsaber._ "

"Um… in that drawer, why?"

"Because I want to know where it is. _Because I need it dumbarse!_ "

"Rey, what is happening to you?"

"I can't explain. I'll tell you when I get back. Don't hate me, please. I love you."

"That turned around quickly."

"Shut up." Then she disappeared. He wanted to believe that it was all real, but he was 99% sure that it was an illusion spawned by his imagination. He left the room and went to his tiny quarters, and slept.

* * *

When she returned to her body, she kept her eyes closed and focused on the lightsaber that belonged to Luke Skywalker and his father before him. Slowly but surely, from many, many lightyears away, she activated it, and it cut a hole in the metal. It flew out and towards her. After twenty or so minutes, she heard it striking down her captors in the hall. Finally, it found her door. She maneuvered it to cut the door off it's hinges, then ran out the opening, grabbing it as she went. Slightly spent and very concerned for her health, she ran to the hangar, realizing that this base was much bigger than she thought. She wished there was a map, with a little dot, like "You Are Here" and "Your Destination Is Here". She eventually found it and grabbed a ship. She was no all-star pilot like Poe Dameron, but she could fly fairly well. As best she could, she flew it out of the hangar. She entered the coordinates for the Ileenium system and entered hyperspace.

* * *

Ben sat in the control room by his mother's side, not speaking. She'd given up trying to get him to talk long ago. He was thinking too hard. However, the moment he felt her, closely followed by an ensign's report of "General, an unauthorized ship has just entered orbit," he lept to his feet. "Ben, what is it?" Leia asked. "It's her. I can feel her. Come on!" She stood up and followed him out.

* * *

When she came out of hyperspace, she immediately had to maneuver the ship so that she wouldn't crash. She had cut it too close. She carefully pulled into the landing bay, and saw two figures standing there. They moved, and she tried not to hit them, but as soon as the doors opened, they ran towards her ship. She didn't even make it down the stairs.

* * *

 **You are all amazing. I have a couple things to say: one, there will be lemony lemons soon. Two, this is nowhere near over. It might be as long as fifty chapters. And three, the next thing is unexpected (or maybe you'll see it coming, idk) but either way, you probably won't like it, and (I'm not saying necessarily Rey or Ben) not everyone will make it out alive. I won't say I'm still deciding, because I know where I want this to go, but I'm just letting you know what's happening so that you're prepared. You shouldn't get so emotionally invested in this story. It will probably let you down.**

 **Also, I'm a liar. I said there would be Stormpilot in this story. Sorry, I don't know how to write** ** _minor_** **ships into a story. It'd end up being just about them. So sorry. There will be a mention of it at the end.**

 **I love you all!  
Allie**

 **P.S. This is almost exactly 5 pages in Word.**

 **Also, I didn't add this into my Word doc, but the word "Word" right there is the 19000th word in that Word document.**


	20. The Reconciliation

**Oh, my god. Am I killing you guys? I'm so sorry.**

 **I've come up with another reason to live: if I die now, I'll never get to see** ** _Star Wars: Episode IX_** **, whatever it be called, and find out if Reylo becomes canon. I would die unsatisfied.**

 **On that happy note, REYLO!**

* * *

I looked up. I was groggy, but I was okay. All I could see was all I needed to see. His face, looming above me. "Ben," I said, smiling."

"Rey, you're okay!"

"Yeah… yeah. I'm okay." I stood up, and only when his arms were gone did I realize he'd been holding me. "Where are Finn and Poe?"

"They're on a mission… somewhere. Money that Leia didn't assign it."

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't know? Oh, yeah. They've been-" we were interrupted by a ship landing. "Here they are," I said. "I should go."

"Ben- what?"

"Neither of them approves of having me in this base, and many people agree with them. You're a major figure- knowing you'd entered a romantic relationship with me could cause the entire Resistance to rend in half."

"Fine. Go over there and wait. You'll come out later." He obeyed, hiding behind a wall of metal boxes perpendicular to the Falcon, and I turned back to the ship that had just landed. Poe and Finn came down holding something large between them. When they saw me, Poe pointed at a couple lower-ranking officers and said, "take care of this, will you?" Once they'd set it down, they both came and hugged me at the same time. "Rey, we thought you were dead!" Poe exclaimed.

"Well, I'm not."

"Good!" Finn yelled. I smiled. I'd missed my friends. Finn kissed my cheek, and it set me off. I didn't act on it, but only because I realized I was feeling Ben's feelings. A second later, I did a double take. _Shit_. "Finn, you shouldn't have done that."

"Done what?" In response, Ben stepped out, lightsaber drawn, and said "don't touch her."

 **(I just loved the idea of jealous Ben. It makes me happy.)**

Finn looked scared, and took a step back, but Poe stood his ground and said, "what are you doing here, Ren?" I was the one who answered. "He's here for me." Everyone in the Resistance except Leia looked surprised **(I'm not overlooking the fact that Poe knew she loved him, okay?)**. "I don't want him to leave."

"Rey, what are you talking about?" Finn asked, stepping forward. "Oh, how polite of you. You didn't even tell him when you started seeing him," I addressed Poe. "Of course, I can tell. But I'm surprised you haven't told him about me and Ben, since, you know, you don't approve of him, and Finn's my best friend and all that shit."

"I didn't think I needed to, considering the fact that I expected him to _leave_ once he was healed! I didn't think I'd ever have to look at him again!" I walked over to Ben and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. "Leave. Him. Alone." Finn and Poe joined the huge crowd standing opposite me and Ben. On a whim, and simply because I needed to, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He put his hands on my waist and kissed me back with a fire I didn't know either of us possessed. When we separated, he whispered so that only I could hear, "you know, I didn't think our first kiss would happen in front of the _entire_ Resistance." I laughed at that. Abruptly, as if just to ruin our moment, Finn pulled out his blaster and aimed it at Ben. Poe followed, along with the rest of the armed members of the Resistance **(Yeah, totally writing them like Dramione, Finn and Poe are basically Harry and Ron)**. I pulled out my lightsaber and stepped in front of him. I activated it and said, "try that again."

"Rey, you don't have to do this."

"You're right. I'm doing it because I love you."

"Rey, you _can't_ do this!" I turned back towards him. "Yes, I can, Ben Solo! I can do whatever I want. If I can fall in love with you I can turn against everyone who's ever accepted me." I turned back to my friends and said, "I will fight you all if you take one step closer. I won't kill you, but I will show you that I'm serious." Many of them stepped back. "Finn? Poe? Do you really care about me _at all_?"

"Of course we do, Rey. We have to kill him. He's broken your heart before, he'll do it again."

"No, he won't, and I've broken his too, on purpose, for what was… probably… a stupid reason, so we're even. If you really cared about me, you'd stand down. Right. Now." Neither of them did. "Well, that's that, then." I lowered my weapon and walked towards them. "That's it then? You're leaving me?" Ben asked disbelievingly. I didn't answer. I just walked between Finn and Poe and waved my hands. They both collapsed. I turned. "Never."

* * *

 **You're welcome for this. However, it will get kinda… sucky.**

 **It's going to be sadness… a little, but then happy will happen. There is one thing I'm still deciding, but I'm seriously leaning towards *** _this content has been removed due to spoilers_ ***.**

 **I've come to an official decision. Their theme song in this fic is "I Don't Know How To Love Him" from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar (which I love).**

 **I love all my readers.  
You all rock.  
Thank you for supporting me.  
Love, Allie**


	21. More Dread

**Yeah…**

 **I love you guys.  
Remember that.  
You signed up for this!**

 **Also, after I uploaded my chapter I watched Spiderman: Homecoming and ate dinner and then I came back and realized that I had left "[WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT DOWN THE STAIRS]" in the actual chapter instead of removing it, so I had to update it.**

* * *

She was still sleeping on the Falcon. She was sitting there, thinking about the decision that she'd made, messing around with a little squishy ball, and she heard the door open and close. She didn't look up. She knew it was him. "What's up, Ben?" He didn't say anything, and she just set her ball down on her end table and looked up into his face. It didn't matter; it was a rhetorical question anyway. "Where were we, Rey?" he asked. "I think we were here," she replied. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him lovingly. "That sounds right." They kissed for a while. Eventually, she said, "Ben?"

"Yes, love?"

"You have to go now."

"Yeah… I do. I don't want to leave you."

"It's really fine Ben. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay." He slowly walked out. _And,_ said her voice in his head, _we share a mind, remember?_ He smiled. Neither could sleep that night, so they talked for hours. "My mother insinuated the most ridiculous thing the other day."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. When you were gone, when I realized you were gone, she basically said she approved of you, by saying 'she's already like a daughter to me'. I wanted to die." She laughed. "Really? General Leia Organa Solo _said that_?"

"Those words were lifted verbatim from her dialogue, Rey." She smiled fondly. "I love you."

"Yeah, me too."

"Shut up, Solo."

"I love you too."

"I know."

* * *

Eventually, they both drifted off to sleep, but the next day only brought more work and exhaustion. They pulled themselves grudgingly out of bed, but rushed to dress so they could see each other. Each day following, for many days, they continued a routine of talking until late, waking early, and coming to see each other as soon as possible. And then disaster struck, once again.

* * *

 **I'M SO EVIL MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

 **I'm basically Rick Riordan. Someone tweeted at him, "I'm starting to think camphalfblood hates Percabeth" and he was like "No, I just don't think they'd be interesting if they weren't constantly in danger." This is me and Reylo. I'm amazing.**

 **I love you all!**

 **This is the last plot twist, I swear.**

 **But, even when I'm done, I'm not going to change it to completed, because I'm going to have to ask something of you guys. Also, I've changed the rating, you may notice. I've decided that there aren't going to be any lemons in this story, for a couple reasons: one, I kinda suck at writing those, and two, it doesn't fit into my plot very well.**

 **Thank you all for this!**

 **Also, I'm starting to think I sorta need a beta so… let me know if you think I should get one!**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	22. Final Author's Note

**Yes.**

 **In the last chapter, I literally said that she was "playing with a squishy ball". It's supposed to be like one of those stress balls, right? Like you just mess around with it and it like, calms you down?**

 **Yeah, nothing dirty.**

 **And it's not like someone reviewed it and pointed that out. I just reread it and went "OOOOOH my god that sounds dirty."**

 **Yeah.**

 **Anyway…**

 **This A/N is getting awkward already.**

 **I have shit to say.**

 **I'm not bailing on this story. Okay? Hear me out and don't get mad, I'm not bailing out. I'm running out of… not inspiration, because as I've said, I know how I want this to go, it's more like there's this** ** _one_** **part of the next chapter that I still need to work the kinks out of.**

 **I know this is kind of out of character for me, because in the past when I've had little parts that I was having trouble with, I just wrote, but I've written four drafts of the beginning of this chapter and nothing is working, so I'm not going to post today. I'm going to write and make it work, and then I'll post it tomorrow. And I'm not going to post on Tuesday, because it's Christmas. But other than that…**

 **Actually, I might post on Tuesday. If I do, I'll just post some oneshots.**

 **Oh, and by the title, I don't mean final chapter, I just mean I'm not going to put up any more straight-up A/Ns on this story.**

 **I love you all so much!**

 **You rock!**

 **Thank you for understanding.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	23. Failure

**Oh my god, guys, I feel like shit.**

 **I went and wrote a chapter of a story that wasn't even a chapter, then I went to a movie theater and rewatched Thor: Ragnarok, and then I came home, ate dinner and watched Die Hard ("yippie kaya motehrfucker" is surprisingly** ** _not_** **my favorite line from that movie), and my brain had the audacity to get inspiration for a oneshot that does not, in any way relate to FTLOR, except that it's Reylo, although it could also be Dramione.**

 **Also, it's fucking late rn, and I'm not going to get around to posting this until it's even later, and none of you will see this until probably fucking Tuesday. Also, I got screwed up, I seriously thought that Tuesday was Christmas, but it's not, it's Monday, because it's penultimate Christmas Eve (as they say in the music department, according to my mom, who's a musician) and today is not Sunday, but Saturday.**

 **Anyway, the point is, I love you all, and I will give you some fucking chapters.**

 **Sorry for the vulgarity, I'm just on edge, my nerves are shot, and I just watched Die Hard.**

* * *

A small boy ran through buildings, this way and that way, trying to find the one he knew. He heard screams of "Terry!" coming from one and knew it must be his own. He ran inside and told his mommy, "there's a giant rock in the ground!"

* * *

We all awoke to the same sound - the sound of blaring alarms. All except the little boy who had discovered the meteorite **(technical terms. When it's in space, it's an asteroid, when it's coming through the atmosphere it's a meteor, and when it lands it's a meteorite. Don't ask me why I know such random shit)**. He woke to the shaking of the earth. I sat straight up in my bed. "My god," I whispered. I sent my thought out to Ben. _Are you getting this?_ I could feel his affirmation. "We need to do something."

"Agreed." Suddenly he was beside me. We ran through the rubble of collapsing buildings, helping people. We lifted a large metal beam off of a man's legs, and as soon as we did, everything froze. For a moment, time was still. Then, everything reversed. Except us. "We're connected. We must both be outside of this." I agreed with Ben. "What do we do?"

"Nothing we _can_ do."

Eventually, time skipped back all the way to before the alarms went off. Then it started going forward again. "What is going on?" I asked.

"Something crazy." We watched everything happen exactly as it just had. Then again, and again. And again….

After quite a while, I realized that there was something on the ground. I picked it up. A piece of paper. It said, "the only way to stop it is to spill the blood of someone outside of the loop." Ben was reading over my shoulder. "How did that get here? And why is _that_ the only way?" He voiced both of my concerns in one breath.

"It's our only lead. I guess we gotta trust it."

"But _we're_ the only ones outside of this… time… loop, thing."

"Then what do we do?"

Nobody had an answer.

We split up, going our separate ways, helping people for a while, just to be away from each other. I never noticed when I cut my leg. Then time started going back farther. I started seeing things I didn't want to repeat: the scene in the hangar bay, with Ben. Ben looking for me. Ben in the hospital. Finally, Ben found me.

"Rey… we have to break the loop, we have to end this!"

"No. I won't do it."

"You have to. Please."

"I can't do this Ben, you _can't do this to me_!"

"Please Rey. It's the only way."

"It should be me."

"But it can't be. If it's you by my hand, the Resistance will crumble. If it's me by your hand, it will thrive. Everyone will survive."

"Ben, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can." He started backing up. He didn't realize (or maybe he did) that he was going directly into the crater caused by the asteroid. He stood perhaps ten feet from the edge, far from me, and asked me to _kill him_. "I promised myself once that I could never kill you, because I loved you too much."

"You have to break that promise." I shook my head. I needed a second opinion. I reached out with my mind, trying to find the one consciousness whose opinion on this mattered. I found it. I sent my thoughts out: my options, and the question, "what do I do?" I thought for a moment that perhaps it wouldn't work, because she was still in the loop, but it did. "You're going to have to kill my son," was Leia's answer. "I don't love it, any more than you do, but it's important that you save us all." I begrudgingly agreed. I reached out behind me and after a moment, I felt the lightsaber handle slip into my hand. I activated it and threw it as I stared. I was shocked into silence, and I couldn't look away as it flew towards him, and I yelled, "I love you!"

"I know." And then all light left his eyes, and Ben Solo was dead, impaled by his own lightsaber. He fell backward into the hole, and it exploded. Time resumed. Everything was perfect, but it wasn't. I had doomed myself to the only kind of life I didn't want. A life without him. And I would never get over that.

* * *

 **Ok.**

 **So…**

 **Just a quick thing.**

 **This is not over. There is more coming. And it might not be super believable, but I had to make Rey kill Ben because that was the plan all along, but… well, you'll see.**

 **Anyway, it's going to be good, hopefully, and at the very least, it will mend the hearts of everyone who read this chapter (because I know that Ben is everything, I love him so much). Just remember that I'm not a monster. Although if I got that Galaxy Wars game I would absolutely play as Kylo Ren and conquer the galaxy, you can turn me to the Light Side, I promise.**

 **At any rate, I love you guys, even if it doesn't seem like it, and don't stop hating me because then I'll get reviews.**

 **Also, this Word document is literally 107 pages long. The end of this A/N is the 22,340 word mark.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	24. I See You Most

**Ok, like I said, this whole storyline isn't going to be extremely believable, but I don't want you to think that I just came up with this. I didn't. I've been working on this for almost a week. It's not rushed, even if it seems that way. I'm just not that good at this shit. Also, if you disliked the time loop thing, leave a review and tell me what plot arc I should have used for that chapter, because I'm not entirely sold on it either.**

 **Anyway, e** **njoy!**

* * *

Ben. Ben was all I could think about. There was a distinct absence of his presence in my mind. It scared me. I didn't do anything for days. Everyone (except Leia, who somehow retained the memory of what I said in the loop) just assumed that he'd left. Nobody asked me why I was upset or where Ben was. They comforted me, though, when I needed it. Poe didn't even try to tell me, "I told you he'd break your heart!" He was kind and a good listener. Finn was always by my side in case I collapsed, but after a couple weeks, I could go out in public and be civil with people. And still, nobody knew what I'd done.

I became increasingly depressed. I almost killed myself a couple of times. Then one night, someone entered my room. I assumed it was Finn, who was doing his best to protect me. I just started talking to him, my brain going on autopilot. "I… I killed him. I killed him, and I can't take it back. What else was I supposed to do? He asked me to kill him… I loved him so much.

"I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. When's it gonna get me? It must leap seven feet ahead of me. If I see it coming, do I run, or do I let it be? Is it like a beat without a melody? See, I never thought I'd live past twenty. Where I come from some get half as many. Ask anybody why we living fast and we laugh, reach for a flask, we have to make this moment last, that's plenty. Scratch that, this is not a moment, it's the movement, where all the hungriest brothers with something to prove went. Foes oppose us, we taking on a stand, we roam like Moses, claiming our promised land. And, if we win our independence, is that a guarantee of freedom for our descendants? Or will the blood we shed begin and endless cycle of vengeance and death with no defendants?" I took a breath. "I just hate myself, now. I miss him so much-" I looked up then. "Ben…?"

* * *

 **For those of you who don't know, her whole little speech was lifted directly out of the song "My Shot" from the Broadway musical Hamilton. Bear in mind that she's speaking it because I want it to be semi-realistic, at least, and Hamilton wasn't around a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Hell, it wasn't around five years ago.**

 **I'm sorry it took so long to get this up. I wrote it a while ago and Fanfiction wouldn't let me submit the file to turn it into a chapter. I'm sorry, guys.**

 **I love you! Keep being awesome!**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	25. In My Dreams

**Yeah… ended that on a cliffhanger (I literally typed "cliff _hangar_ " just there! You know, like hangar bay… ha, ha, ha… nevermind), didn't I?**

 **I wanted you to stew…**

 **But I read so much fanfiction that I know what it's like to wait for a chapter, especially after a cliffhanger, and I'm soft and caring, so I'm uploading this right away (right away being 11 o' clock at night).**

 **I also posted a oneshot based on something someone said on… I think it was Twitter, that made me really happy, so it's basically how episode nine should go.**

 **I'm also realizing how weird I'm being with this story. Episode VIII was my favorite Star Wars movie so far, and I basically took a total of ten minutes of it and shoved the rest aside and was like "this never happened." Granted, it was my favorite ten minutes (aside from the whole Reylo-battle-thigh-touch scene, which made me fangirl so hard), but still.**

 **I have a ton of stuff to say, I'm so sorry, it's just that I haven't posted in like, two days. I should probably explain why. Well, Christmas, for one. That took up, like, a whole day. I actually got a white Christmas, which was crazy. The snow's still there, actually. Where I live, it rarely snows. It rains a lot, but it almost never snows. And then on Christmas day we got like, an inch and a half (which caused my mom not to want to drive, which caused my grandparents to subject me to watching the 1970 movie musical "Scrooge"). But yeah, I didn't post on Christmas because I was enjoying my family, and then when I got a chance, I went on and every time I tried to upload a document, it said it couldn't process the document or whatever. So I went on the forums and blah, blah, blah and eventually found that _nobody_ could upload documents, which made me feel better, even though I'm not one of those super prepared people who has three weeks' worth of documents prepared (for me, that would be like 63 documents, Jesus Christ, I upload like three a day), but I figured it out, so here we are.**

 **Anyway, you're here for the Reylo, not my life story, so I let's get this show on the road.**

* * *

"Ben…?"

Let's rewind to four days ago. Rey and I felt awkward about the fact that we thought one of us would have to die. The fact that we only had to spill our blood, though we didn't realize it at the time, is neither here nor there. **(Rey cut her leg on a bush, I think I mentioned that, which is why this storyline works. Ben figured it out, but Rey doesn't know, so she thought the only way out was to kill Ben)** We split up and helped people, even though we both knew it wouldn't do any good. Then, at some point, I passed her, saw the note in her hand, and saw a small cut on her leg. Blood was slowly trickling down her knee. And all at once, I understood. It clicked into place, like the pieces of a puzzle. I kept walking, formulating a plan, calculating. Then, I projected my body out to her, using the Force. We argued, but eventually I got her to throw my lightsaber at my Force projection. She never saw me grasp the handle of the saber to hold it in place so it looked convincing. Otherwise, it would have just fallen to the ground. She never realized the complexity. I had to hide my life force from her. I practically broke our Force bond. But not quite.

Which brings us to this moment. She gave a whole speech about me and how much she wanted to die, and at some point, I took her hand, though I remained standing, and she looked up and said my name, not expecting me (why would she be? I was dead). She's obviously surprised. But behind that, I'm obviously in trouble. I sit down and spill my whole story. When I finish, she says, "you're a genius. Obviously, I still hate you for making me grieve for four days, but you're a genius." I smile and nod, ignoring the hate comment. "I love you, Rey. I swore never to leave you."

"That's true."

"Are you still mad at me?" I sound like a child in trouble, trying to charm his parents out of it.

"Yes." She pauses. "But I'll still kiss you." And she does. We sit together in silence for a while, both thinking about the heavy question looming over us both. Eventually, Rey voices both of our concerns. "What do we do?"

"I'm not sure, babe. I'm tired of all the hiding, and the lying, and the pain involved in this goddamn relationship, but you are literally the most amazing person ever to live in the entire galaxy. I'd endure anything for you."

"Ben… we need to talk about something. We need to talk about the… other guy."

"Kylo Ren?"

"No, the Incredible Hulk! Obviously we're talking about Kylo Ren."

 **(Removed dialogue: "who's the Incredible Hulk?" I asked. "He won't be invented for a long time, and he'll exist in a galaxy far, far from here." Just so you know I know that that's not reasonable.)**

"Okay," I replied. "What about it?"

"Ben… I can't just forgive you."

"I know."

"If I could just magically forget everything, like that-" she snaps her fingers "then I would. In a heartbeat." She snaps her fingers again, three times. "Bam! you never killed your father. Bam! you never went to the Dark Side. Bam! you never tortured Poe Dameron." Her examples almost make me laugh. "And your mother would, too. But people like Finn and Poe… you've had a serious negative impact on them. Finn… I mean, you tore him away from his family as a baby and made him into a mindless killer. And you captured Poe and tortured him for information!" I stand, and put my face in my hands with shame. "Yes, I know what I did."

"So you know why I can't just let you back in."

"Yes."

"I love you, Ben. I believe you can change. I've been fighting for you this whole goddamn time. Don't prove me wrong." I kiss her. "Rey, I just want one final chance."

"Okay." We kiss again, and for a brief time, everything is perfect.

* * *

 **But not really, because they still have to tell everyone in the base that Ben is back and they're okay.**

 **And one more plot twist.**

 **See, I was originally going to make a sequel, and that's why I kept saying "last plot twist" et. cetera, but then I realized that it wouldn't _really_ have a conflict, so it wouldn't work as its own story, I had to incorporate it into this one.**

 **This is _actually_ the last plot twist. If you're disappointed that I'm almost done with this story (probably only four more chapters, max), don't be, because I'm going to keep writing Reylo. There's a lot of Reylo content to explore, and my brain is spitting out ideas faster than my hands can type. So don't worry. It's not like I'm finishing this and then immediately disappearing from the internet forever. If I did that, it would be because I was dead, and you would all know, because I'm so stupid that I would tell you exactly what I was going to do and when I was going to do it.**

 **Um…**

 **That's depressing.**

 **Sidenote: you all pretty much saw the whole "Ben isn't dead" thing coming, right? I'm not imagining that?**

 **Anyway, I love you all so much!**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	26. A Filler Chapter I Didn't Name

**Someone told me that the Hamilton paragraph (two chapters ago) seemed a little forced. I went back and reread it, and I respectfully disagree. I felt like all of the things in that paragraph relate to Rey, and that's why I included them. However, your feedback is noted. Thank you.**

 **I would also like to say that I'm very overworked right now, (I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, honestly. If I were stretched too thin, I wouldn't be posting today) and it's a little stressful, so my next couple chapters might be a little shorter, but I'll get back in the game eventually. It's either that or post every other day and have normal length chapters.**

 **And remember that your feedback is always considered, and I literally read** ** _every_** **review that I get on this story (or any story) because I love getting feedback and improving my work. So even if I don't change anything, I will acknowledge what you said and explain why I feel differently than you do.**

 **I love you all!**

 **Enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

We stayed together as much as possible. We tried to figure out the best way to deal with the rest of the Resistance. We plotted and schemed and threw away draft after draft like we were writing a novel. But eventually we decided on the simplest and, ultimately, the most effective plan: do nothing. He would just start walking through the streets again. People would wonder, but eventually, everything would be fine. "Why did we worry about that so much?" he asked after we agreed on the plan. "I don't know, maybe it's because everyone hates you except me and your mother and I don't want them to kill you?" He nodded. "Yeah. That's reasonable." Then he smiled, and I couldn't help but laugh. "I love you, Ben."

"I know."

"You should stop saying that. It makes you sound pretentious." He smiled wider, and I hugged him. "We have other things we need to deal with as well." He looked at me inquisitively. "Huh?"

"Nevermind, Ben." I held him and kissed him for a long while, and eventually we fell asleep in each other's arms.

[shiz happens]

When I woke, Ben was still holding me, but he was no longer dressed in black. I sat up and looked at him. "Ben… what in the galaxy are you _wearing_?" He looked down, then pointed at his garb. "This? I found this in your closet. It fits me."

"Thank god it's not mine."

"I would never wear something of yours. All your clothes have holes in the shoulders. I could not pull that off." **(yeah, I know I'm making them sound like a couple high school girlfriends, but I kinda wanted to… sorry if you hate it.)** He was wearing a long, brown, floor-length robe. I snickered. "What?" he asked. "Do I look that bad?"

"No… Ben, you look like a Jedi." He flinched, like I was criticizing him. "I like it," I added. He smiled and kissed me. The moment was ruined by Finn bursting through the door. "Rey-" His eyes fell on Ben. "What's he doing here?"

"Ben's fine." He nodded, giving Ben a final look like, "I don't have time to deal with you right now" and said, "Rey, you have to come quickly. It's a crisis. I guess he can come too, he'll probably care a little."

"Finn, what's going on?"

"I'll explain on the way. Come on!" We looked at each other, then tore after him as fast as we could.

* * *

 **Muahahahahaha another cliffhanger!**

 **Um… I'm sorry if this chapter is a little… weird? And it's very short, so I'm sorry for that too. Basically, I needed an easy way to show that they weren't going to come up with an elaborate scheme to get Ben back into the Resistance base unnoticed, and I needed a cliffhanger because I am sustained by human misery, and I had a very specific idea for a whole little thing with Finn being like "wtf is he here for? Oh, well, I don't have time for this come on Rey, *** _this content has been removed due to spoiler warning_ ***"** ** _and_** **I wanted to make my little joke about Rey and Ben basically being teenage girls. But I had no inspiration. This is a filler chapter with absolutely no importance to the plot. I've gotten better at writing full stories!**

 **Also, I would like to announce something that should have been announced like twelve (at least) chapters ago: I have started watching Sherlock! Basically, three days ago, I watched episode one, A Study in Pink, then yesterday my mom told us that she had watched episode one the previous night and episode two that morning, and we were all like "yo! we haven't seen episode two yet!" and she was all apologetic and shit, and basically, I finished season 1 today. It was essentially three hours of Sherlock, and I don't regret a minute of it. Also, I'm so sad, because I just looked it up, and Johnlock isn't going to be canon. Stupid writers.**

 **"** **Catch them killers then?"**

 **"** **It's just the one killer actually."**

 **Idk. When I'm in a bad mood, I quote stuff. That's from a movie in the Cornetto Trilogy (all three of which Simon Pegg stars in with Nick Frost) called Hot Fuzz. The other move from the trilogy that I've seen is called Shaun of the Dead (it's very good, rated R, there are a lot of f-bombs, and I love it). Incidentally, Simon Pegg also has a small voice-acting role in "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens" as the fat guy that Rey gives parts to.**

 **I don't even know what I'm saying at this point, and I'm very, very lucky if anyone's still reading this.**

 **Love you all!  
Allie**


	27. The AN That I Promised Wouldn't Happen

**Oh, my god.**

 **Oh my god, guys, I'm spiraling again.**

 **I don't know what this is or why it's happening to me but I might have to take a break from Fanfiction again. God, I'm so sorry.**

 **It could be depression. But I don't think it is. It's unlike anything that I've ever felt. And I'm pissed off at myself.**

 **I kinda hate myself anyways… but it's worse now. Like I hit black ice on the freeway at 90 miles per hour and I'm spiraling out of control and at any moment, I'll hit something or some** ** _one_** **else and then it won't be just me anymore. And somehow, the most likely person to get run over by me is my girlfriend, Emma.**

 **God, I hate myself.**

 **I'm so prepared to just stop doing anything. That would be so easy.**

 **But as soon as it goes away, I'll post again. Most likely, I'll wake up tomorrow and be fine, and just write and write and finish this book and** ** _then_** **let my shitbag of a life take over and dump me into the abyss.**

 **Sorry, that was dark.**

 **But anyway, I'm sorry that I post so much dark shit on this story, it's just that somewhere deep inside I need to tell someone, and this is the story with the most followers, so basically, I can just write and post on here and it's like all my feelings are out.**

 **And I'm sorry if I'm dumping a bunch of emotional baggage on you, all you lovely people that I don't know and am highly unlikely to meet in my lifetime, but I need to, to make my mind stop killing me. Does that make any sense? It's the twisted logic of a fucked-up person, you kind of** ** _have_** **to be depressed or something to understand it.**

 **I love you all so much.**

 **Don't stop with the amazing reviews and everything, they just warm my heart.**

 **There is a 90% chance that I will post the next chapter tomorrow.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	28. Devastation II: Pain & Misery

**Rn I'm playing MC with my dad and brother. Well, I'm sitting in a corner while they kill stuff and listening to their chat and writing this.**

 **I** ** _was_** **playing Minecraft. Until it became night xD.**

 **Anyway, here is the long-awaited reveal of the disaster.**

 **Sidenote: Finn seems to be the one always introducing the disasters to Rey, doesn't he?**

 **Also, I need to add the word 'sidenote' to my dictionary on Word.**

* * *

 _"_ _Finn, what's going on?"_

 _"_ _I'll explain on the way. Come on!" We looked at each other, then tore after him as fast as we could._

* * *

As we ran down the hallway, Finn panted out disjointed sentences that made little sense **(because we have to have the reaction to when you actually get where you're going)**. "Rey… important person… love…"

"Then why am I here?" asked Ben.

"Because…" Finn looked him straight in the eyes. "She's important to you too." We walked through the door he was indicating. Into the infirmary. A place that brought back memories of fear and pain. And at the end of that hallway… a most unwelcome sight.

She lay on a bed. Not moving, barely breathing. Heart monitor beeping so slowly, I almost expected the next one not to come. And every time it did, it was a relief. It was devastation. I almost died, standing there, staring at her. And Ben was tense by my side, too.

"Ben, it's going to be okay."

"But what if it isn't?"

"It will. No matter what happens, we have each other. It will be alright."

We walked forward. We both hoped we were mistaken, but we knew we weren't. She was important to us both, she was in the hospital, Finn had come to get us. Everything lined up with the horrible image in front of us.

"What happened to her?"

"She just… collapsed. In the middle of her duties. She just crumpled and stopped moving. We got her here as fast as we could," replied the nurse on duty. "Thank you," I said, then waved him off. I turned to her doctor. "Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"I think it's just extreme fatigue. According to her coworkers and friends, she's been working late hours for weeks, refusing to sleep, etc. I think she's having some trouble with… something." She eyed Ben suspiciously. I wrapped an arm protectively around him. "Don't blame him… please. None of this is his fault," I insisted. She relented, and brought us closer to her. Ben hissed unconsciously as we approached the bed. I had just one more question for the doctor. "Is she going to survive?"

"It's too early to tell. I'm sorry Rey. Ben." Ben was surprised at the use of his given name by someone other than me or his parents, but I could sense the gratitude in his thoughts. I held his arm gently but insistently and directed him closer. He let out a long breath. "Oh, shit, Rey. What am I supposed to do?" He buried his face in my shoulder, and I stroked his hair, unable to tear my gaze away from the figure. "I don't know, Ben. I don't know."

Because lying there in front of us, inches from death, was the only mother either of us had ever known. Leia Organa Solo.

 ***see A/N**

* * *

 ***Zoom in on the bed. Show Leia, apparently sleeping, eyes closed, face neutral.**

 **Yeah…**

 **You were supposed to guess it would be Leia. Did you guess it?**

 **If you didn't… I didn't do my job right. Sorry, guys.**

 **Um, but yeah. Leia's sick. Hospitalized. Idk if she'll survive. Well, I know, but** ** _you guys_** **don't.**

 **You'll find out, though, won't you?**

 **Yeah, you will.**

 **Sometimes, I really hate myself.**

 **You know. Because I'm torturing you like this.**

 **Anyway, I love you guys!**

 **Never Stop Never Stopping (why did I capitalize that? I don't know. Maybe if** ** _you_** **don't know, you should search that phrase on Google and you'll find out. First 5 people to review this chapter with the answer get a shoutout in the next one).**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	29. A Funny Chapter With No Original Title

**Oh shit, guys.**

 **Someone reviewed the last chapter asking me not to let her die without seeing her son again and now I'm actually considering it. I'm a terrible person.**

 **Anyway, enjoy a chapter of angst/fluff/other shit.**

* * *

I didn't leave her side for four days. She turned over a couple times, and mumbled in her sleep (my name, mostly, just "Ben" over and over), but she didn't wake up. Rey came in as soon as was allowed every morning and left as late as she could each night. She held me, but she could tell instinctively that I didn't want her to kiss me or anything. Actually, wait. She was in my head. She knew. Right. The doctors made an exception to the visiting hours for me because I was her son, although I had a suspicion that it was actually because they thought I'd Force-choke them to death if they didn't, so I slept there, next to my dying mother. On the third day, when Rey arrived, I immediately wrapped my arms around her and buried my head in her shoulder as she sat down. "Ben, what is it, are you okay?" I shook my head. I was losing it again. I was going back, slipping back into what I used to be, avoiding the pain… "Rey," I looked into her eyes, "what if she never wakes up? What if I never see her again, and I never get to tell her that I'm sorry for everything. I've never really had a chance. What if I lose everything I wanted but never realized I had? My mother means everything to me, Rey, I couldn't-"

"I know. I know, Ben." She knew. I could tell that she knew. **(Btw, "What If?" is the title of a movie that Adam Driver has a major part in, and a movie that I happen to love. More on that later)** She loved me. And I loved her. I could hold her until the end of time. And she was going to help me get through this. "Yes. I am," she said in response to my thoughts. "I love you."

"I know." Beside us, though we didn't notice, my mother's face formed a melancholy smile.

We sat there for the rest of the day, and Rey's presence helped ease my doubts about everything. Then, the next day, everything changed.

I woke up around three in the morning. I looked at the clock and thought, _it's so fucking early. Why am I not tired?_ I felt for Rey and found her asleep. Good. One of the night-shift doctors was in the room, busying herself with some papers, likely so I wouldn't see her blushing (she'd probably been checking me out **[because he's so effing hot]** ). I looked over at my mother, and suddenly realized why I had woken up. Her heart monitor was beeping much, much faster. It was going at a normal heart rate. Her heart was beating. Her body was fighting. I looked at her, and as I watched, her eyes slowly opened.

"Ben," was all she said. "Mom."

"I love you." I was already crying. _Fuck,_ I thought. _Rey! Rey, wake up. She's awake! Wake up!_

 _What, Ben?_

 _My mother's awake. Get down here, now!_

"Mom… I'm sorry." The tears were flowing freely now. "I'm so, so sorry, about everything. I mean, I _killed my fucking father_. But not even that, I mean, I broke your heart. I hurt you so much, and I can't ever take that back, no matter how much I want to, and now I might never talk to you again and the final thing I want you to hear me say is I'm sorry. It's all I have left to say. I'm sorry. I love you, Mom. Please… don't give up on me." And, just like that, I was rambling. **(And, just like that, I'm sobbing while writing _fanfiction!_ )** But I needed to say that. "Ben, I'll never give up on you. Honestly, even if I die here, in this bed, which is more than likely, I'll not have given up on you. I helped Rey bring you back. That was all I wanted. I wanted to see my son's face again. And you gave me that. I love you so much, Ben. Also, my final wish is that you marry that girl out there. You deserve her." I laughed at that. "Mom, I can't get my guilt to just disappear, but I'll marry her. That was the plan the whole time."

"Good."

"What are we talking about?" Rey's voice permeated the eerily quiet (other than our voices) infirmary. I immediately tried to cover up. "Um, nothing."

"Rey, I want to thank you."

"What?" She seemed genuinely surprised by my mother's greeting.

"What else did you expect, Rey?" I asked. "She loves you like a daughter, and there's no surprise there. She was so disappointed when she got a son, and even more disappointed when he turned to the Dark Side. I've been a disappointment my whole life, that's nothing new."

"You never disappointed me, Ben," Rey replied. "I love you, Rey."

"Yeah, I know. What do you want to thank me for?" she asked, turning back to Leia.

"You brought him back. You gave me my son back. And I can't ever thank you enough for that."

"Allowing me to make out with him on a daily basis is thanks enough." I laughed, and Rey followed suit, with Mom in the background, watching us amusedly. We both eventually stopped laughing, became serious and looked at her. "Leia Organa Solo, as your son's all-but-betrothed - yes, I see you over there trying to look innocent, don't think I don't know your intentions - I hereby forbid you from dying for one week. You have to live a week, so we can all have it together. We never really got that," Rey said. She smiled. "I would love that."

* * *

 **You're welcome.**

 **I was never really going to kill her without her waking up, although I did semi-seriously consider it.**

 **Yeah, I think I mentioned in an author's note earlier on that "What If?" is an Adam Driver movie that I really love, something about the "I just had sex and I'm about to eat nachos" line that I wanted to give to Kylo yada yada yada.**

 **But basically, I had a girls' day with my mom today and we did an Adam Driver marathon, so basically, we watched "This Is Where I Leave You" in which he's an immature baby-like human person, and then we watched "What If?" in which he's an immature baby-like human person.**

 **In both movies, there were a couple great moments that I plan to make into Star Wars-themed memes. For example, in "This Is Where I Leave You" there's a moment where he says, "I'm an irredeemable asshole" and you can probably figure out how that relates to Star Wars.**

 **I'm sorry that this chapter is more funny than serious (I'm only sorry because most of this fic is serious), but it kind of needed some humor. And yes, there will be a proposal, and yes, probably a wedding.**

 **Also, I want to tell a little story, followed by a question for all of you.**

 **I used to think Dramione was impossible and stupid and how could anybody ship that. And then I read an absolutely amazing Dramione fic on this website called "** ** _The Seven Deadly Sins_** **" and it changed my mind forever. It is now the fic I use to convince my friends to ship Dramione.**

 **Someone reviewed the last chapter saying I'd converted him/her to Reylo, and now I'm wondering: is this fic good enough to be the** ** _Seven Deadly Sins_** **of Reylo? Tell me, because I really want to know!**

 **Anyway, this A/N is already way too long, so…**

 **I love you all!**

 **Keep being amazing and review please it's the only part of life I enjoy other than my girlfriend!**

 **And read the Johnlock fic I'm about to post (you can find it on my profile)!**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	30. Fluff With A Dark Author's Note

**Fuck.**

 **My best friend is inches from killing herself, and I'm so worried about her, and if she's not at school when I go back, I will probably kill myself.**

 **Jesus Christ, I'm shaking. What has she done to herself?**

 **I didn't get her messages until two days after she sent them, which means that I wasn't there to help her through her emotions, which leaves basically two options: best-case-scenario, she eventually worked through it and didn't hurt herself in any way, or worst-case-scenario, she killed herself.**

 **What am I supposed to do?**

 **I am an emotional mess right now.**

 **Anyway, I'm sorry to keep telling you about my problems. I'm okay right now, I just need to talk to somebody, and I'll be fine.**

 **Enjoy the Reylo!**

[fucking hate everything because it all FUCKING SUCKS]

I decided I'd do it while I had the chance. Of course, Rey knew exactly what I was thinking as soon as I thought it, so it wasn't really a surprise. I felt her presence in my mind and turned to look at her, and upon seeing her smirk I felt my face relax into a smile. Later that day, I left my mother's side for an hour or two to get it. I figured that my mother would want to be there, although I couldn't fathom why, considering that it was definitely going to be awkward and weird. But she would want to see it. And I wasn't going to deprive her of that. **(Before you read any more, I just realized: this sounds super dirty. It's not.** ** _It_** **is definitely not anything along the lines of them having sex for the first time or something)** I found a place on another planet not too far away, and bought the item I desired. As soon as I landed back on the main Resistance planet, I was suddenly nervous. For one thing, we were both so young **(they're only 19 in TFA, although as of now, Adam Driver is 35)**. But also, I wasn't sure she was ready. Hell, I wasn't even sure _I_ was ready. But I was going to do it, because _fuck_ I loved her. I hesitantly walked into the infirmary and saw Rey sitting there, engaged in idle conversation with my mom. When she saw me, her face lit up. "I missed you, Ben." **(New theory - Ben's name isn't Benjamin, it's Benedict)** I smiled at my girlfriend (is that what we were? I couldn't really tell). "Rey, I was gone for like, two hours."

"Exactly. Don't leave me alone so long." I took a deep breath and slowly brought the small box from behind my back. She smiled knowingly, although Leia's eyes widened as she saw what I was holding. I took her left hand and knelt. "This is very awkward and cliché and shit, but I love you, Rey. Rey… I don't actually know your last name-"

"I don't have one. Abandoned, remember? Same as you."

"Then I'll call you Solo. If that's okay?"

"Obviously."

"Good. Rey soon-to-be Solo, I already know what your answer is because I can see the inside of your head so this is simply a formality but will you marry me?"

"Absolutely. Without a doubt. Ben Solo, I would marry you a thousand times."

"I love you."

"I know." We kissed, and Leia lay in her bed, watching us. "'I love you,' was what I used to say to Ben's father. And he always said, 'I know.' Sometimes it was the other way around. But it was okay, because I knew that he loved me too. And now my only son and his fiancée do it. It makes me so happy."

"I always wanted to carry on the family tradition, Mom," I said, with a wink in Rey's direction. "I'm glad that I could do that with you around."

"Me too."

"I found it rather awkward," Rey piped up. "But also cute."

"Thanks, babe," I said, somewhat sarcastically. Then she smiled at me, and magically, everything was okay. I would need that in the coming weeks.

[ughhhhhh feeeeeeels I hate them/love themmmmm]

 **So, kinda short chapter, but it's literally all fluff!**

 **And I know you guys wanted a proposal (I seriously did too) so I wrote it in.**

 **Also, it was already half-included in the plot.**

 **I love you guys.**

 **I want you all to ignore the A/N up there. That was written this morning, at like 6:00, and since then, I've learned some things, so it really doesn't matter. Also, I'm too lazy to delete the whole thing.**

 **After this, I'm probably going to go on Pinterest and look at Johnlock tumblr posts for hours (because that's what I consider "fun").**

 **I love you all!**

 **Have a great day and don't worry about me! I'm not going to kill myself or anything stupid like that.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	31. Never Have I Ever Been A Kind Author

**So.**

 **Hi.**

 **I'm not going anywhere, don't worry.**

 **I'm just going to write a super long author's note that you have to struggle through before reading the actual story.**

 **Now that I've said that I don't actually have anything to say.**

 **Um…**

 **I'm going to try and write more non-Reylo stuff. I have one Power Rangers fanfic that I haven't updated in literally a month. Which is a long time for someone who updates every day with a rare exception.**

 **I'm going to write a shit ton of Johnlock and Reylo oneshots, especially, though, because they're just so easy.**

 **Are you guys dying for their wedding? Because I'm thinking the Reylo wedding will either be next chapter or the following. It depends on how I do it.**

 **Do you hate me for the ominous pseudo-cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter? It was there for a reason. It's called foreshadowing.**

 **I might start updating a little more regularly once school starts up again, because I write when I'm in school, a lot, believe me, I get soooooooo fucking bored in class, whenever I'm allowed my computer I write, but the WiFi at my school restricts a shit ton of websites, so I have to wait until I get home to actually upload shit.**

 **So I'll probably start updating about two chapters a day, around maybe 4:15 and 5:00. Then you'll get your fix and I don't screw with shit. Except on Mondays. On Mondays I have therapy and I can't update until later.**

 **Update: I wrote that like, twelve hours ago. It's 10:05pm New Years' Eve rn.**

 **I'm so sorry that I haven't updated yet today. I feel like shit.**

 **I left my house at 3:30 today to watch a showing of TLJ at 7:00. It was awesome. Not the thing I'm about to say, though…**

 **We had to leave the theater about 10-15 minutes before the movie ended. Basically, somebody a couple rows ahead of me collapsed. Someone held up a phone with a flashlight for them and the movie kept playing for about 5 minutes. Then all the lights in the theater turned on and the movie stopped, and they asked everyone to leave. The people around him were talking - so basically, he had a seizure. And I felt really bad for him, that kind of sucked. I don't know why I'm saying this, I'm just trying to write while my parents talk about social issues and shit.**

 **Anyway… Reylo!**

 **Update: This entire A/N (except this update) was written at 10:05 and now it's 7:30pm New Years' Day and I still haven't uploaded. Shit.**

* * *

"50ccs of stimulant, STAT!" the woman shouted. "Quickly!" shouted another. A syringe was slapped into the doctor's hand. The pump was placed on the patient's chest. "Clear!" She jumped. "Clear!" Again. The doctor injected her with the serum, then felt her pulse, checked her breathing, and stood up, breathing heavily and wiping her brow. "Time of death: sixteen hundred thirty-four hours."

I slumped. She was gone. I felt an arm around me, and I reached up to stroke his hair. "Ben, it's going to be okay." He nodded, then wrapped his arms all the way around me and cried into my shoulder (he had to bend substantially to do so). I wrapped my arms around his neck and said, "what do you want to do? Do you want to forget that the world ever existed, you want to forget everything?" He nodded. "We have two options…"

"Alcohol."

"Great. Let's go." We went and found all the booze we could **(pretending that people drink alcohol in Star Wars)** and snuck it into Ben's quarters. "Do you want to do something fun?" I asked after a couple drinks. "Yeah, okay." I held up a fresh glass for him, then poured one for myself. "Here's the deal. We take turns saying something and then if we've done it, we have to drink. Whoever finishes their glass first wins. I'll go first." I thought for a moment. "Never have I ever… kissed a girl." I started with that because I knew he'd have to drink. He grinned lopsidedly at me and held up his glass. "Cheers." He took a quick swig from it, then said, "my turn?" I nodded. "Never have I ever hit on a bad guy." I rolled my eyes, but took a drink. "Never have I ever been shot in the leg with a blaster." Silence. Then we both exploded into laughter. The game continued for a while, until we were both extremely drunk. Then, the final round, Ben said, "never have I ever had sex." My vision cleared, and I smiled at him. "Do you want to change that?" I asked. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yeah… yeah, okay." I kissed him passionately. He kissed me back, entwining his fingers in my hair, and I pushed him backwards onto his bed. I started to remove his shirt, and he began to kiss my collarbone and we were intertwined, just limbs everywhere, kissing and being in love and it was the perfect way to forget. We forgot everything, except each other. He was my rock.

"I love you, Ben," I whispered into the darkness some hours later. I thought he was asleep. I didn't expect a reply. But then, from my left, "I love you, Rey."

* * *

 **So…**

 **I'm really sorry if this chapter seems out of place… in the beginning, I was just kind of dropping you into the middle of Leia dying (in case you didn't pick up on that, that's what that was), but I wanted to show that Ben needed a way to cope with his mother's death and that Rey was more than willing to help him. Also, Reylo playing "Never Have I Ever" seemed like it would be funny. Also, they're drunk, which I kind of needed a chapter of.**

 **I love you guys!**

 **Don't hate!**

 **Read my Johnlock fic!**

 **Love,  
Allie**

 **P.S. So sorry I have only just posted…**

 **It's 7:45 now and I just… sorry.**


	32. Funeral Bells

**Ok.**

 **A couple things to say.**

 **One: TMP, you have no idea what that review means to me, okay? It's probably the greatest thing anyone's ever said to me in the reviews (because I'm super insecure about how I depict my characters, whether or not they're realistic, etc.) and it just really means a lot to me to have such enthusiastic fans. I never really thought this fic was going to go anywhere, and I'm just blown away by all the constant support. Thank you to everybody who's reviewed this fic, those little confirmation emails absolutely make my day (even though I have to delete them from my inbox afterward so my mom doesn't see them xD).**

 **Two: I don't want to ever stop writing this. I really, really don't. Now I kind of wish I'd made it last longer… we only have a couple chapters left, guys, and it's really sad. You'll know what the last chapter is.**

 **Also, did you like the last chapter, where they got super drunk? I kind of liked it because it was very different from most of the other stuff in this fic, although I'll skip the hangovers because that's just stupid and you don't want to hear about them waking up with splitting headaches naked in the same bed.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy what is probably the third-last chapter of this story!**

* * *

"Ben, maybe you should just wear what you always wear."

"What?"

"The black suit with the cape and whatever."

"Oh, yeah ok."

"Ben, why are you worried about this?" I grabbed his shoulders as he turned away to make him look at me. "She would have wanted this. She- hey!" He was turning away again. When I shouted, he looked straight into my eyes. "Ben, do you think you're the only one who's hurting? The only one who loved her? I had to watch you kill the only father figure I'd ever had, and then I had to watch the only person who even _slightly_ resembled a maternal parent to me die in the hospital. Ben, I know exactly how you feel."

"Do you? I _hate_. myself, Rey. I loathe what I used to be, and sometimes what I still am. I am a failure. I failed the Republic, I failed the Resistance, and I failed you. I failed my mother. I failed _everyone_."

"Ben, don't do this, please."

"Rey, You have no _idea_ what is going on with me. You don't know what it's like to be trapped inside the body of a monster, you're a fucking _angel_!" My vision blurred with tears. "Ben…"

"Rey, I can get dressed for my mother's funeral on my own." He pointed to the hall, and I reluctantly walked out of the room. He shut the door in my face. I went into my own room and started to prepare my outfit. Black dress. Black tights. Black flats. Black veil. I pulled it all on and walked out into the hallway again. Ben was still in his room. I hesitated outside his door, then leaned against the wall and waited. After a minute, the door opened, and he left the room. He pursed his lips, then said, "Rey, look-"

"Ben, I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you. Especially not now, when we need each other more than ever."

"Then we're okay…?"

"Yeah. I just don't want to do _this_."

"Okay." I kissed him quickly, and he smiled. We walked down to the funeral hand in hand.

It was bleak. We held hands and positioned our faces to look grim, and the man said a few words, then Ben said a few words, then I said, "Leia was the only mother I've ever really known… which is kind of weird, because she's also my fiancé's mother, but the point is, she taught me things I needed to know in order to survive. She showed me how to cut my losses, and how to deal with the ones that are unavoidable. I guess that's why I'm not shattered now that she's gone. She reminded me on a daily basis that there are people in the world who loved me. And in return, I gave her back her son for her last few months.

"I like to think that Leia Organa Solo is somewhere where she can see me and hear what I'm saying and that she'll remember that we loved her as much as she loved us. She's probably a Force-ghost, actually, if you think about her considerable power with the Force. The point is, I miss her, and Ben misses her, and every one of us misses her. We all loved you, Leia. You will never die in our hearts."

Ben squeezed my hand when I sat back down. "That was beautiful," he whispered. "I love you," I whispered back. He just smirked.

Later that night, I sat in my room, looking at the wall. I felt his presence at the edge of my mind and let him in. _How was your day?_

 _Tiring,_ I replied. _Yeah. Me too._

 _So, about earlier-_

 _Already forgotten,_ his voice replied.

 _No, Ben, I think we need to talk about it._

 _I'm sorry. I don't want to…_

 _Neither do I. But we need to. This is about us, Ben. You and I. We want to have a healthy relationship, this is how we do it._

 _I was stressed._

 _So was I. In this case, I think that's all it was. At least you didn't get angry with me for real or something. I've seen you relatively angry, and I'm not sure that anybody wants to see you_ really _angry._

 _Rey, I love you._

 _I love you too._

 _I know._

 _So do I._

 _You're a dork._

I'm _the dork?_

 _Yes._

 _If you say so, Ben._

We talked for a while longer, until eventually, we both decided we needed sleep **(unlike me. I mean, I need it, but I probably won't get any tonight. I'll probably end up writing chapters for you guys all night. Or I won't want to sleep and I'll do everything in my power to stay awake. The latter is more likely)**. We bade each other good night, but his voice never once faded from my mind, and I fell asleep thinking of Ben, knowing that he was thinking of me.

* * *

 **Well, there. Fluff in the same chapter as Leia's funeral.**

 **Who would expect that?**

 **Oh, yeah. You guys. You know my writing style.**

 **God, I love you guys. Review and let me know if you've read my Johnlock things. I would really appreciate it. I mean, I'm a dork, but still. Johnlock is amazing.**

 **You are all awesome.**

 **Keep rocking.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	33. Wedding Bells

**Ok.**

 **I'm one chapter too late.**

 ***clears throat***

 ***does best gameshow host voice***

 **I promised this like, two whole days ago, and now I will finally deliver.**

 **All fanpeople, I would like to formally welcome you to my first writing of the Reylo wedding EVER!**

 ***canned audience applauds***

* * *

She was about to die.

She had said yes.

She had said yes, two weeks ago, and now here she was… she was going to marry the love of her life.

"Ben."

 _Yes, Rey?_

 _Oh, nothing… just thinking about you._

 _I miss you._

 _You can't come in here. It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding._

 _It's only bad luck to see the bride_ in her dress _before the wedding._

 _I'm not sure that's true…_

 _I'm seeing you naked._

 _Oh, my god, Kylo!_

 _Don't call me that. I left him behind a long time ago._

 _I know. I just said it because I knew it would get your attention._

 _I hate you._

 _Love you too, babe._

She cut the connection. She was hyperventilating. She took three deep breaths.

"Ok, Rey, he's right out there. You only have to walk to him. He's just right there, on the other side of the door." Her maid of honor took her shoulder and pointed at the door. Rey thought she thought she was giving her confidence, but really she was just making her want to die more. "Great… thanks." Finally, just to get it over with, she shoved the door open. The music played. She began to slowly walk down the aisle to him. She almost couldn't help it. She wanted to skip the whole ceremony and just run and kiss him forever. He was dashing, in a dark red suit with a maroon-colored tie (she had recommended against black since he wore enough black on a daily basis. Red was the compromise, and it turned out beautifully). She smiled.

 _Ben._

* * *

 _Rey._

She's so close to him now. Her dress is practical, beautiful, and in her style. It's not sparkly, and has no veil or train, but rather goes down to her ankles and hugs her frame. It has long sleeves, but a small chunk on each shoulder has been expertly removed **(because that's just how Rey does things)**. Then she reaches him. Unconsciously, he grabs her hand. She steps up and they begin their vows.

* * *

"Rey… I just want to say, I fell in love with you so _easily_. Granted, I hated myself for loving you, given that I was Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren, etc, Lord of Darkness, and you were just a scavenger. But I couldn't stop thinking about you. I'd give up everything for you. I fell in love with you quickly. It wasn't like I was in control, I didn't have a hand on the wheel; it was more like Destiny had the keys to the car and I was locked in the trunk.

"Either way, I fell madly, deeply, unrequitedly in love with you. And I thought you didn't love me. But you did. That was all I needed. I could have lived forever knowing that I knew that I had been loved by one of the greatest women in history. And then I actually _got_ you. How many met actually _get_ their soulmates? Not many.

"The point, Rey, is that I love you. You're so beautiful, and loving, and kind, and I'm not going to let you go."

She smiled at him. His vows were heartfelt and sweet.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Rey."

Rey took a deep breath. "Ben, just so you're prepared, this is going to sound really stupid." He laughed. "Er, so I've never really… had a romantic relationship of any kind before. I mean, I lived on a remote desert planet where nobody liked anybody else for the first nineteen years of my life. How was I supposed to find anybody to be with? And then, in the space of one week, I traveled away from my home planet, saw the most lush and beautiful planet I've ever seen, and met you. Granted, you knocked me out and took me to your ship where you Force-interrogated me so that I would give you the map… but the point is, I almost didn't leave the planet. I almost went back there after my narrow escape with the First Order, and if I had, I wouldn't have ever known you. In fact, I'd probably be dead right now.

"Then I found out that we had a Force Bond, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. Eventually, I taught myself how to utilize it. And, slowly but surely, I realized that my connection with you went deeper than being inside his head. When I think back on it, I can tell you exactly when I fell in love with you. It was that day on Starkiller Base, when I projected my thoughts out to you. I escaped from your captivity and I was thinking _I wish…_ I never really told you what I wished. I was wishing that I knew you. Deeply. Truly. I wanted to know who you are in the very lightest part of your being. I already loved you." She glanced at him. He was speechless.

"Oh… my god." He smiled. "My god. That might be the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said."

"Really? I thought it was kind of cheesy and stupid. I don't know much about this stuff…"

"That makes two of us. All I know is that I love you." They smiled at each other.

"Do you, Ben Solo, take Rey-"

"She has no last name, and yes I fucking do."

"And do you, Rey-"

"Shut up, of course I do."

"I now pronounce-" Rey and Ben ignored the man and kissed, much to his annoyance "you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." He rolled his eyes, but neither noticed. They were too busy being happy.

* * *

 **Ok, so this chapter is cheesier than a whole pizza with extra cheese.**

 **But FLUFF!**

 **So who cares?**

 **I knew you guys really wanted this chapter, so I figured I'd write it.**

 **I also meant to post this this morning, but I was really tired at 12:30 this morning and I was about 2/3 of the way done with this chapter so I just slept.**

 **Anyway, I am actually in school rn (it's 10:30 [at least I'm in ELA, that's the best class to write fanfiction in]) but the WiFi doesn't let me go on Fanfiction so I have to wait until I get home around 1:30.**

 **Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Review it please, because I'm a pathetic excuse for a person and I live off of my reviews.**

 **I love you all.**

 **You rock.**

 **Love,  
Allie**


	34. Fluff and Sadness

**OH MY GOD.**

 **I'm dying.**

 **Life hates me.**

 **Um, don't worry about that ^ just read the story.**

* * *

All he can remember is pain.

There is pain and there is suffering, and everything is white. He can't see.

There's a hand on his, keeping him slightly grounded. He still can't see.

 _Your eyesight will return in time._

 _What the fuck is happening?_

 _I don't know._

 _Are you okay?_

 _They told me I'm dying._

"Get me out of this bed!" he screams. That was all he needed to hear. And suddenly his vision is fine and he stands up and he's sprinting down a hallway that never ends and he can _feel_ her life leave her and he can't get to her.

And then he's sitting in his bed.

He looks to the left. She's right there. His bride. The love of his life. Looking up at him with tired but concerned eyes. " Ben, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a nightmare."

"Tell me. It will help."

And he tells her. And as he tells her he forces himself to remember everything. All of the amazing things. And she's every other thing on that list. He lays back down. "Rey, you are the most amazing person I know. I love you, Rey."

"I know." He laughs, and he's okay again. He curls up with his arms around her and drifts back to sleep.

* * *

"Good morning, sunshine." She walks out into the kitchen/dining room area, hair ruffled, wearing his t-shirt (because I had to because it's a classic image. Sorry). I'm making scrambled eggs. He sets the pan on the burner and turns to kiss her head. "Ben…" she says after he embraces her for a while, "the eggs are burning."

"No they're not." He shows her his amazing one-handed spatula skills. "I've been doing this the whole time." She smiles up at him.

That smile is the most beautiful thing is the galaxy. There's no way in the world he could live a day without it. And now that she's his forever, he won't have to. Because the moment she's dead, he'll kill myself. He'll have lost everything he had to live for anyway. He murdered his father, lost his mother, and he'd have lost her too. It's more likely, however, that he would die first (women live longer than men, generally speaking), and he knows that she's too strong to give up like he would. But he would join her as a Force ghost. They could see his mother again, and Luke. And he could apologize. For everything.

The timer goes off and he's pulled out of his fantasy. He switches it off and serves the breakfast. They eat it together and smile at each other. Neither of them is really sure what they're supposed to do on a honeymoon, so they train. They train because it's familiar and it makes sense. And he's happy.

* * *

When they are done with our escape from life, and they return to the Resistance, which is no longer really the Resistance (we've all just taken to calling it that), now spread all across the galaxy, we're welcomed with open arms. They step off of their ship and Finn and Poe are waiting for them. After Rey embraces them both Ben shake each of their hands with a warm smile. Rey sees his face light up as he shake's Poe's. "Congrats, man," he says out loud. "Huh?"

"On your engagement." Both men go bright red, and she can tell that Ben suddenly understands. "Wow. Good for you." Rey is standing behind him, her hands covering her mouth. "You're kidding."

"No," Finn said, obviously doing everything in his power to keep from facepalming. "We're getting married." She squealed and hugged them both. He smiled. She was so cute.

Late that night, he was awake, working. She was in bed, supposedly sleeping, but he could tell she was awake. He struck up a mental conversation.

 _Rey, why are you still awake?_

 _Because you are._

 _What?_

 _I can't sleep without you._

 _Oh…  
That's actually pretty sweet._

 _Yes, I know._

 _You know how much I love you, right?_

 _Absolutely._

 _And?_

She laughed mentally. _I love you too._

 _Rey…_

 _Ben, don't._

 _Rey, I'm all alone. There's nobody else here. Only you, inside my head._

 _You're not alone,_ she whispered into the vaults of her mind.

 _Neither are you_.

* * *

 **And there it is.**

 **The last installment. The end of the story.**

 **I'm totally not crying right now.**

 **No, I shouldn't say that. I'm not ashamed to cry. I'm very sad to end this story, but there will be more in the future. I'm in no way done writing Reylo fics. I love them too much for that.**

 **There will probably one more major fic on this account in the next year or so.**

 **There will be bajillions of oneshots.**

 **There will be so much Reylo that your brain will explode.**

 **But for now, For the Love of Reylo has been ended.**

 **Also, I absolutely _had_ to do the "you're not alone" "neither are you" backwards thing as the _very last lines of this fic_. Because there was no other way to end it.**

 **Obviously, Rey had to be the one to say "you're not alone" because Ben said it in TLJ.**

 **I'm about to die.**

 **This fic is over!**

 **I love you all!**

 **Thank you for all the amazing support on this story and please please please don't forget about me!**

 **Love,**  
 **Allie**


End file.
